Subject: Marriage (Page 12)

I don't care if she doesn't know how to cook – so long as she doesn't know a good lawyer.

(1909 – 1959) Australian-born American actor
Lawyers Marriage

Marriage is like a row boat: it fits two, it doesn’t work on auto-pilot and it’s very difficult to have sex in.

(1964 – ) American comedian
Marriage Sex

Thou shalt not covet they neighbor's wife unless she's a beauty.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
People Wives

Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There’s no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Marriage Relationships Wives

Whenever you want to marry someone, go have lunch with his ex-wife.

(1920 – 2006) American actress
Marriage Wives

Of all the home remedies, a good wife is best.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Health Marriage Wives

Lay off Vanessa. She gives great headache. … I can’t believe it. Married five years. Seems like yesterday! [sighs] And you know what a lousy day yesterday was.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Marriage TV/Movie Quotes

Women who drink white wine either want to get married, sell you a piece of real estate, or redecorate your house; either way, it's expensive.

(1946 – 1994) writer & humorist
Marriage Money People Women

Alimony is the curse of the writing classes.

(1923 – 2007) American novelist, journalist & playwright
Communication Marriage Occupations Reading/Writing

I’ve been married four years now and it’s getting pretty serious.

American comedian
Marriage

One of my favorite oxymorons is engagement party.

writer, website creator
Marriage Sex

Love, the quest; marriage, the conquest; divorce, the inquest.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist
Divorce Emotions Love Marriage

A husband always prefers his wife’s mother-in-law to his own.

Marriage

Whoever came up with ice fishing must have had the worst marriage on the planet.

(1953 – ) American comedian & writer
Marriage Sports

Marriage is like a coffin and each kid is another nail.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Children Marriage TV/Movie Quotes

The gifts you buy your wife are never as appropriate as the gifts your neighbor buys his wife.

Husbands Murphy’s Laws Shopping Wives

Never advise anyone to go to war or to marry.

Marriage Proverbs War

Sex again Peg? … we’ve been married seventeen years now; can’t we just be friends?

(1946 – ) American actor
Marriage Sex TV/Movie Quotes

A dress that zips up the back will bring a husband and wife together.

(1925 – 2010) American humorist & writer
Appearance Clothing Marriage

I think the secret to a successful marriage is low expectations.

(1959 – ) American stand-up comedian
Marriage

Long engagements give people the opportunity of finding out each other's character before marriage, which is never advisable.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Characteristics Marriage