Subject: Marriage (Page 34)

One time I went to a hotel; I asked the bellhop to handle my bag; he felt up my wife!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Marriage Wives

Don’t over-analyze your marriage; it’s like yanking up a fragile indoor plant every 20 minutes to see how its roots are growing.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Marriage

The first part of our marriage was very happy… but then, on the way back from the ceremony…

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Marriage

Mixed doubles are always starting divorces. If you play with your wife, you fight with her. If you play with somebody else, she fights with you.

American professional tennis player
Marriage Sports

Desertion: The poor man’s divorce.

Definitions Divorce Marriage

I’ve had bad luck with both my wives; the first one left me and the second one didn’t.

(1956 – ) English actor
Marriage Wives

A woman’s mink coat represents the sacrifice of a lot of little animals, including her husband.

(1913 – 1983) journalist & author
Marriage

I heard from my cat’s lawyer today; my cat wants $12,000 a week for Tender Vittles.

(1925 – 2005) television host
Divorce Marriage

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

(1885 – 1957) French stage actor, film actor, director, screenwriter & playwright
Marriage Wives

To avoid mistakes and regrets, always consult your wife before engaging in a flirtation.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor
Marriage

Sex again Peg? … we’ve been married seventeen years now; can’t we just be friends?

(1946 – ) American actor
Marriage Sex TV/Movie Quotes

If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married.

(1907 – 2003) American actress of film, stage & television
Communication Marriage

Men enter politics solely as a result of being unhappily married.

(1909 – 1993) British naval historian & author
Government Marriage Politics

Alimony: The high cost of leaving.

Divorce Marriage

I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is "don't tell the butcher!"

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Marriage Sex Situations Wives

I just wrote ‘I still love you, see last years card for full details.’

(1976 – ) English comedian & actor
Marriage

There's only one thing wrong with wife swapping… you get another wife.

writer, website creator
Marriage Sex Wives

Before we make love, my husband takes a painkiller.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Husbands Insults Marriage Sex

Of course a platonic relationship is possible, but only between husband and wife.


Marriage Relationships Sex

In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Marriage Wives