Subject: People (Page 3)

I’m not a fighter, I’m a bleeder.

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer

I saw what’s going on under my chin; I don’t want to be the one the president has to pardon on Thanksgiving.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

If you hate gay marriage, then don't marry a gay person.

(1977 – ) Australian comedian

To please a woman in bed, all a man has to do is a poetry course; they also have to learn that the Kama Sutra is not an Indian takeaway and that the mutual orgasm is not an insurance company.

(1958 – ) Australian author

Love is what happens to a man and woman who don't know each other.

(1874 – 1965) English dramatist & novelist

Men like phones with lots of buttons; it makes them feel important.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

I believe in loyalty… when a woman reaches an age she likes, she should stick with it.

(1919 – 1995) Hungarian-born American socialite & actress

All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol

Any man who hates dogs and babies can’t be all bad.

(1908 – 1997) German-born teacher, academic & humorist

In 1969 I gave up women and alcohol… it was the worst 20 minutes of my life.

(1946 – 2005) Irish professional football player

The German mind has a talent for making no mistakes but the very greatest.

(1904 – 1999) author, editor, radio host

Ridiculous stereotypes often make people very ignorant towards other nationalities. For example, I’m in good shape, intelligent, and I don’t have sex with my cousins, and yet still people assume I’m American.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

There is no such thing as an unattached woman.

Why are women so much more interesting to men than men are to women?

(1882 – 1941) English novelist, essayist, publisher & feminist

Men, I feel, are like wine – before buying, a real connoisseur takes a small sip, and spits them out.

(1936 – 1993) British writer

I finally know what distinguishes man from the other beasts: financial worries.

(1864 – 1910) French author

Gentleman: A man who remembers a woman’s birthday but forgets her age.

I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they’ve always worked for me.

(1937 – 2005) journalist & author

My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.

(1953 – ) comedian & actor

George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill: Am reserving two tickets for you for my premiere. Come and bring a friend – if you have one.

Churchill’s reply: Impossible to be present for the first performance; will attend second – if there is one.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator

Communism doesn't work because people like to own stuff.

(1940 – 1993) composer, guitarist, record producer & film director