Subject: People (Page 56)

The girl with a future avoids a man with a past.

(1899 – 1995) humorist
Future Men Past People Time Women

Why is it that nobody understands me and everybody likes me?

(1879 – 1955) German-born physicist
Characteristics People Self Understanding

Babies are the only people I actually trust as far as I can throw them.

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian
People

It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time.

(1903 – 1968) movie actress
Characteristics Girls People Women

You really wanna know what you look like to other people?… have a child draw you.

(1975 – ) American comedian & talk radio personality
Appearance People Self

Sooner or later, I'll be punctual.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist
Self Time

Years ago, manhood was an opportunity for achievement, and now it is a problem to be overcome.

(1942 – ) humorist & radio broadcaster
Men People

I don’t identify as transgender… I identify as tired; I’m just tired.

(1978 – ) Australian comedian, writer & actress
People Self Sex

You might be a redneck if… you’ve ever hauled a can of paint to the top of a water tower to defend your sister’s honor.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Relationships

Remember, Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but she did it backwards and in high heels.

(1924 – 2006) American cartoonist (Frank & Ernest)
People

Crying is the refuge of plain women, but the ruin of pretty ones.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Appearance People Women

When it comes to giving—some people stop at nothing.

Characteristics Money People

They put me in Special Ed because they thought I was slow, but I stayed in Special Ed for the ladies.

(1974 – ) Russian-born American comedian, writer & filmmaker
Education Girls Intelligence School

There is more simplicity in the man who eats caviar on impulse than in the man who eats Grape Nuts on principle.

(1874 – 1936) English author & mystery novelist
Characteristics Eating Food/Drink People

Every organization has an allotted number of positions to be filled by incompetents.

Murphy’s Laws People

Why is the winner of the Miss Universe contest always from Earth?

(1954 – ) American comedian, writer & musician
People Situations

There have been only two geniuses in the world – Willie Mays and William Shakespeare.

(1903 – 1968) movie actress
People

His favorite exercise is climbing tall people.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Appearance Body People

God is silent; now if only man would shut up.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Beliefs God People

A lot of smart young people have come out of Indiana; the smarter they are, the faster they come out.

(1866 – 1944) American writer, newspaper columnist, playwright & humorist
People Places

A friend in need is a pest.

(1925 – ) English actor
Friends People TV/Movie Quotes