Subject: People (Page 56)

Crying is the refuge of plain women, but the ruin of pretty ones.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Appearance People Women

I learned in business that you had to be very careful when you told somebody that’s working for you to do something, because the chances were very high he’d do it; in government, you don’t have to worry about that.

(1920 – ) U.S. Secretary of State economist, statesman & businessman
Characteristics Government Occupations People Work

Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Arms People Things

How easy for those who do not bulge to not overindulge!

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Appearance Body Eating Food/Drink People

The first principle is that you must not fool yourself… and you are the easiest person to fool.

(1918 – 1988) American physicist
People Science/Weather Self

All men are equal before fish.

(1929 – 1933) 31st U.S. president, humanitarian
Animals People

I was born at the age of twelve on a Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer lot.

(1922 – 1969) American singer & actor
Entertainment People Self

Don’t knock coronaries… they’re all we women have got to guarantee us a prosperous and exciting middle age.

(1932 – 2000) English author & academic
Health People Women

He’s an animal lover… people he don’t like so much.

(1937 – ) British playwright & screenwriter
People

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Children Housework People

I had a girlfriend that was so fat she wore a "Cross Your Thighs" bra.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Clothing Fat Girlfriends People

A little incompatibility is the spice of life, as long as he has income and she is pattable.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Appearance Body Money Situations Women

My husband's penis is like a semicolon… I can't remember what it's for and I never use it anyway.

British comedian
Family People Sex

To last as long as I did with the skills I had, with the numbers I produced, was a triumph of the human spirit.

(1935 – ) American baseball player, sportscaster, comedian & actor
Baseball Self Sports

Figures won’t lie, but liars can figure.

(1911 – 1993) columnist & novelist
Characteristics Facts Honesty Lies People

If it's a man's world, then I'm glad I'm a girl.

(1958 – ) American singer & songwriter
Men People Women

Every time I get in an elevator, the operator says the same thing to me: “Basement?”

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
People Self Situations

Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go somewhere and read the book, I might have a little fun!

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
People Relationships Women

I don't have any tattoos or piercings yet, but I do have a cold sore I've been ignoring.

(1959 – ) American comedian, actress & singer
Characteristics People Self

The first thing men notice about a woman is her eyes; then, when her eyes aren't looking, they notice her breasts.

(1963 – ) television host & comedian
Appearance Body Men People Women

Eighty percent of all people consider themselves to be above average drivers.

Beliefs Driving Murphy’s Laws Opinion People