Subject: People (Page 7)

I set records that will never be equaled; in fact, I hope 90% of them don’t even get printed.

(1935 – ) American baseball player, sportscaster, comedian & actor
Baseball Self Sports

My girlfriend was just killed in a car accident… devastating; I can’t believe I’m only going to have sex with her one more time.

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian
Girlfriends People

You might be a redneck if… your home has more miles on it than your car.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Autos People Rednecks

The higher a monkey climbs, the more you can see of its ass.

(Vinegar Joe) (1883 – 1946) American army general
Characteristics People

A man talking sense to himself is no madder than a man talking nonsense not to himself.

(1937 – ) British playwright & screenwriter
Communication Intelligence People Self Speech

Reckless Driver: One who passes you on the highway in spite of all you can do.

Definitions People

If one could only teach the English how to talk, and the Irish how to listen, society here would be quite civilized.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Communication England People Places Speech

Common looking people are the best in the world: that is the reason the Lord makes so many of them.

(1809 – 1865) 16th U.S. president
Appearance People

Guys I’ve been meeting have the worst pickup lines, like: “Hey, what’s your friend’s name?”

(1977 – ) American comedian
Dating Men People Relationships

She had an unequaled gift of squeezing big mistakes into small opportunities.

(1843 – 1916) American-born writer
Mistakes People Problems

I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a Great White or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.

(1965 – ) American comedian, actor, writer & producer
Communication People Self Speech

I really wish ISIS would stop playing violent video games and listening to Marilyn Manson.

European comedian & actor
Conflict People War

Soon, I'm going to meet somebody around my own age, and she's going to be smart and beautiful, and I'm going to date her daughter.

(1956 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & television ho
People Self

When a man says he had pleasure with a woman he does not mean conversation.

(1709 – 1784) English author, essayist, critic, editor & lexicographer
Conversation Men People Sex Women

Why is it drug addicts and computer afficionados are both called users?

(1950 – ) astronomer, author & computer security consultant
Computers People Things

I don't like to be out of my comfort zone, which is about a half an inch wide.

(1947 – ) American comedian, writer, actor & television producer
Emotions People Self

Far-away talent always seems better than home-developed talent.

Murphy’s Laws People

Gentleman: A man who remembers a woman’s birthday but forgets her age.

Definitions Men People

Humankind cannot stand very much reality.

(1888 – 1965) British (US-born) critic, dramatist & poet
Intelligence People

The bravest thing that men do is love women.

(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor
Emotions Love Men People Women

I’ve performed for twelve presidents… and entertained six.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Entertainment People Self