Subject: People (Page 7)

When a guy goes to a hooker, he's not paying her for sex, he's paying her to leave.

People Sex

If you want to know how old a woman is, ask her sister-in-law.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor
Age People Women

I would say the world's in terrible shape, but I'm afraid the world would say, 'Look who's talking!'

(1943 – 1974) American singer (Mamas & Papas)
Appearance Body Fat People Places Self World

The higher a monkey climbs, the more you can see of its ass.

(Vinegar Joe) (1883 – 1946) American army general
Characteristics People

[With women] it’s like God made a little package; it’s all tucked in with hospital corners and stuff; and with men, it’s like God started to make a bow, and the phone rang.

(1969 – ) American stand-up comedian & actress
Men People Women

You have nooo idea… the difference in sex drive between a man and woman is like the difference between shooting a bullet and throwing it.

(1953 – ) American comedian, actor, voice artist, & columnist
Men People Sex Women

USA Today has come out with a new survey; apparently, three out of every four people make up 75% of the population.

(1947 – ) comedian & television host
Facts People Science/Weather

You guys have it so easy; you don't shave: it's sexy, it's a turn-on; we don't shave: it's birth control.

stand-up comedian
Men People Women

What, when drunk, one sees in other women, one sees in Garbo sober.

(1927 – 1980) English theatre critic & writer
People

Women are not forgiven for aging; Robert Redford's lines of distinction are my old-age wrinkles.

(1937 – ) American actress, writer, political activist, & fitness exponent
Age Men People Women

Deploring change is the unchangeable habit of all Englishmen.

(1896 – 1971) English socialist, author, journalist, editor & gourmet
People Situations

All right, brain, you don’t like me, and I don’t like you, but let's just get me through this, and I can get back to killing you with beer.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
People Self TV/Movie Quotes

There are two kinds of people in the world, those who believe there are two kinds of people in the world and those who don't.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist
Beliefs People

A sports expert is the guy who writes the best alibis for being wrong.

(1909 – 1973) American sports journalist
People Sports

I don’t want to say too much about illegal immigration; I’m afraid my views will be reported on the Cinco O’Clock News.

(1927 – 1997) Am. comedian & satirist notable for mock presidential campaign
People Television

Not one man in a beer commercial has a beer belly.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Alcohol Appearance Beer Body Men

All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.

(1913 – 1997) American comedian & radio & television host
Marriage Men Mistakes Problems

Fettucini Alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Food/Drink People

If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
People

A character who, if he had not existed, could not be imagined.

(1893 – 1973) playwright & screenwriter
People

A liberal is a conservative who has been arrested.

(1931 – ) American author & journalist
Beliefs Conflict Law People