Subject: People (Page 73)

There are two types of people: those who divide people into two types, and those who don't.

Murphy’s Laws People

When I don't look like the tragic muse, I look like the smoky relic of the great Boston Fire.

(1832 – 1888) novelist
Appearance People Self

Anyone who is capable of getting themselves into a position of power should on no account be allowed to do the job.

(1952 – 2001) English writer, dramatist, & musician
Characteristics Government People Work

Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere.

(1922 – ) American author, publisher & editor
Girls People

Gentleman: A man who remembers a woman’s birthday but forgets her age.

Definitions Men People

When I was a Republican, Saddam Hussein was our ally, George Bush owned a mediocre baseball team, Enron was a respected energy company and Michael Jackson was still black.

(1950 – ) Greek American author, columnist & website co-founder
Past People Self Time

I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.

(1975 – ) American stand-up comedian, television host, actress, & author
People Sex

Woman begins by resisting a man's advances and ends by blocking his retreat.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Activities Men People Women

The only people who listen to both sides of a family quarrel are the next-door neighbors.

People

You might be a redneck if… you have a bumper sticker that says, "MY MOTHER'S AN HONOR STUDENT AT SOUTH LITTLE ROCK JR. HIGH."

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Education Mothers People Rednecks School

Is a narcissist’s suicide a crime of passion?


People Self

People say it’s easy to make fun of retarded people, but it’s not… you really have to explain it to them.

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian
Intelligence People

Nobody ever lost a dollar by underestimating the taste of the American public.

(1810 – 1891) American politician, showman & businessman
Characteristics Money People

The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas balding white men look like giant thumbs.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Appearance Hair People

Make sure to be in with your equals if you’re going to fall out with your superiors.

People

What do you give a man who has everything… penicillin.

(1910 – 1995) American comedian & actor
People

If God wanted women to understand men, football would never have been created.

novelist, screenwriter & businessman
Football God Men Sports Women

All men are afraid of eyelash curlers; I sleep with one under my pillow, instead of a gun.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Arms Fear Men People Things

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Individuals Work

A good neighbor is a fellow who smiles at you over the back fence, but doesn't climb over it.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
People

An optimist is a man who has never had much experience.

(1878 – 1937) humorist, journalist & author
People