Subject: People (Page 95)

New Year's Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot… unless, of course, those tests come back positive.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
Health People

Lady Astor to Winston Churchill: If I were married to you, I’d put poison in your coffee.

Churchill, in reply: If you were my wife, I’d drink it.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Insults Marriage People

Outside every thin woman is a fat man trying to get in.

(1928 – ) British journalist, writer & columnist
Appearance Body Fat Men People Sex Women

I have a lot of stories about being a kid because it was the last time I was interesting.

(1982 – ) American comedian, actor, writer & producer
People Self

I look like a mix between a Jew and a guy who would drive by in a truck and yell "Jew.”

American comedian
Appearance People Self

Son, when a woman says nothing's wrong, it means everything's wrong; when a woman says everything's wrong, it means everything's wrong; and when a woman says that something isn't funny, you'd better not laugh your ass off!

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
People TV/Movie Quotes Women

Love thy neighbor as yourself, but choose your neighborhood.

(1867 – 1952) American actress
People

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

Beliefs People

It was a hard name to have growing up as a child; kids would call me names like “Birbiglebug” and “Birbibliography” and “Faggot.”

(1978 – ) American comedian & writer
People Self

Excuse my dust.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Epitaphs Self

Democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than half of the people are right more than half the time.

(1899 – 1985) US author & humorist
Democracy Government People

I’m no cook; when I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Cooking Food/Drink Self

Some quiet guys are inwardly outgoing.

(1922 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer
Baseball Misspokements People Sports

Maybe we weren't at the Last Supper, but we're certainly going to be at the next one.

(1920 – 1998) lawyer, congresswoman, & women's movement activist
People Women

One man's poison ivy is another man's spinach.

(1866 – 1944) American writer, newspaper columnist, playwright & humorist
People

Some people manage by the book, even though they don't know who wrote the book or even what book.

Murphy’s Laws People

Oaf: An old fashioned jerk.

Definitions People

Easy: Used to describe a woman who has the sexual morals of a man.

Definitions People Sex Women

For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Body People Self

I concentrate on exercises from the waist down, since that is the laziest part of a woman's body.

(1934 – ) American actress, singer & author
Activities Exercise People Women

In the Bob Hope Classic, the participation of President Gerald Ford was more than enough to remind you that the nuclear button was at one stage at the disposal of a man who might have either pressed it by mistake or else pressed it deliberately in order to obtain room service.

(1939 – ) Australian author, critic, broadcaster, poet & memoirist
Government People