Subject: People » Self (Page 15)

If you want to see a comic strip, you should see me in the shower.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Communication Self Wordplay

My body is a temple; unfortunately, my diet is ISIS.

American comedian
Appearance Body Self

How do people make new mates?… asking for a friend.

Comedian & writer
Friends People Self

I have an existential map; it has ‘you are here’ written all over it.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Beliefs Self

The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.

(1952 – ) American columnist & author
People Self Situations

I miss being pampered.

(1946 – ) 43rd U.S. president
Government People Self

I have no sex appeal and it has screwed me up for life; my gynecologist examines me by telephone.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Characteristics Self Sex

Me carrying a briefcase is like a hotdog wearing earrings.

(1934 – 2010) American baseball manager
Occupations People Self Work

Sorry, Peg, I didn’t hear you; I was thinking of killing myself.

(1946 – ) American actor
Self TV/Movie Quotes

When you put down the good things you ought to have done, and leave out the bad ones you did do – well, that's Memoirs.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Characteristics Past Reading/Writing Self

If they cut my bald head open, they will find one big boxing glove. That's all I am.

American boxing champion
Boxing Self Sports

Egotist: A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language Self

Self-abuse is the sincerest kind.

David Gerrold (1944 – ) science fiction author
Activities Self Sex

Sometimes I'm so bored at a party, I'll slip myself a roofie.

comedian & author
Drugs Self Situations

In 1962 I was named Minor League Player of the Year… it was my second season in the bigs.

(1935 – ) American baseball player, sportscaster, comedian & actor
Baseball Self Sports

I know I’m God because when I pray to him I find I’m talking to myself.

(1931 – 2004) English playwright & screenwriter
Beliefs God People Self

With my sunglasses on, I'm Jack Nicholson; without them, I'm fat and 60.

(1937 – ) American actor
People Self

It was a hard name to have growing up as a child; kids would call me names like “Birbiglebug” and “Birbibliography” and “Faggot.”

(1978 – ) American comedian & writer
People Self

If people only knew as much about painting as I do, they would never buy my pictures.

(1802 – 1873) English painter
Art Reviews/Criticism Self

I’m the female equivalent of a counterfeit $20 bill; half of what you see is a pretty good reproduction, the rest is a fraud.

(1946 – ) American recording artist, actress, director & record producer
Appearance Body People Self

I was Caesarean born; you can’t really tell, although whenever I leave a house, I go out through the window.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Miscellaneous Self