Subject: People » Self (Page 15)

Believe me when I say that Bill Clinton's second term will be good for business… my business.

(1932 – ) American political satirist & comedian
People Self Work

Growing up Jewish was a little different; some of the other kids in my neighborhood had diaries; I had a ledger… where I recorded how many diaries I sold to the other kids.

Jewish-American stand-up comedian & writer
People Self

I was walking in the park and this guy waved at me; then he said, ‘I’m sorry, I thought you were someone else.’ I said, ‘I am.

(1973 – ) American comedian
People Self Situations

Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
People Self

He who disagrees with me in private, call him a fool; he who disagrees with me in public, call him an ambulance.

(1967 – ) English comedian
Conflict People Self

A satirist is a man who discovers unpleasant things about himself and then says them about other people.

(1924 – ) Canadian writer
Communication People Self

I don’t identify as transgender… I identify as tired; I’m just tired.

(1978 – ) Australian comedian, writer & actress
People Self Sex

I went to the doctor and said, “Doc, every morning when I wake up and look in the mirror, I throw up. What’s wrong?” The doctor said, “I don’t know, but your eyesight is perfect.”

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Self Ugly

One way to handle social anxiety is to pretend you are a ghost and people are staring at you because they have a gift they never asked for.

(1982 – ) American comedian & actress
Miscellaneous People Self

Every time I go near the stove, the dog howls.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Cooking Food/Drink Self

I know I’m God because when I pray to him I find I’m talking to myself.

(1931 – 2004) English playwright & screenwriter
Beliefs God People Self

We may never know exactly how much others know about us, but we can always suspect it.

People Self

I’m a typical Capricorn; I’m hardworking, loyal, sometimes stubborn and I don’t believe in astrology.

(1974 – ) American Internet entrepreneur
People Self

I’m at the age where food has taken over the role of sex in my life. In fact last night, I put a mirror over my kitchen table.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Food/Drink Self Sex

You have taken yourself too seriously.

Characteristics Murphy’s Laws People Self

I’m not a lesbian… but I play one in the home movies my husband forces me to make.

(1996 – ) American comedian
People Self

I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me.

(1951 – ) U.S. senator (Minnesota), political commentator, comedian & writer
Characteristics People Self

I hope there’s a tinge of disgrace about me; hopefully, there’s one good scandal left in me yet.

(1938 – ) English actress
People Self

Even at school they thought I had special powers; what was the phrase… ‘Constant super-vision.’

(1964 – ) English comedian
People Self

My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Marriage Self Wives

No matter what I do, literally nothing bad can happen to me; I’m like a white male U.S. senator.

(1971 – ) American actress, comedian, producer & writer
Government People Self