Subject: People » Self (Page 3)

You mean there aren't enough people mad at me already?

(1911 – 2004) 40th U.S. president & actor
People Self

My mom took me to a dog show and I won!!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Animals Appearance Dogs People Self

All I want is a warm bed, a kind word and unlimited power.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist
People Self Situations

Remember to always be yourself… unless you suck.

(1964 – ) screenwriter, executive producer, director, composer & actor
Characteristics People Self

I'm bald, blind and pale… I'm like a gigantic recessive gene.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
People Self

Flattery is telling people exactly what they think of themselves.

Characteristics People Self

The American people would not want to know of any misquotes that Dan Quayle may or may not make.

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician
Misspokements Mistakes People Self Speech

I miss being pampered.

(1946 – ) 43rd U.S. president
Government People Self

In high school, I was the class comedian as opposed to the class clown; the difference is the class clown is the guy who drops his pants at the football game, the class comedian is the guy who talked him into it.

(1948 – ) comedian, actor, writer, producer & film director
Education School Self

My first words were ‘Seconds, please.’

(1953 – ) American comedian & television host
Communication Eating Food/Drink Self Speech

If I could kick the person in the tail that causes me the most problems I could not sit down for a week.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
People Problems Self

Don't talk about yourself; it will be done when you leave.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Communication Self Speech

When a person can no longer laugh at himself, it is time for others to laugh at him.

(1920 – ) Hungarian writer
Emotions Laughter People Self

Even at school they thought I had special powers; what was the phrase… ‘Constant super-vision.’

(1964 – ) English comedian
People Self

I would say the world's in terrible shape, but I'm afraid the world would say, 'Look who's talking!'

(1943 – 1974) American singer (Mamas & Papas)
Appearance Body Fat People Places Self World

Do not punish yourself, you deprive the world of its purpose.

(1967 – ) English comedian
Life Self

No matter what I do, literally nothing bad can happen to me; I’m like a white male U.S. senator.

(1971 – ) American actress, comedian, producer & writer
Government People Self

I was sorry to have my name mentioned as one of the great authors, because they have a sad habit of dying off.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
People Self Success

It's not what you are but what you don't become that hurts.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
People Self

The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.

(1694 – 1778) French author, humanist & satirist
Husbands Marriage Self Wives

Dad, the odds of me knowing the score to the Mariners game is about the same as you knowing the score to Pacific Overtures.

(1955 – ) American actor, comedian, producer, director & singer
Self TV/Movie Quotes