Subject: People » Women (Page 13)

A man is as good as he has to be, and a woman is as bad as she dares.

(1856 – 1915) writer, publisher, artist & philosopher

Women… can’t live with ‘em… pass the beer nuts.

George Wendt (1948 – ) American actor

Even nowadays a man can't step up and kill a woman without feeling just a bit unchivalrous.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist

In the duel of sex, woman fights from a dreadnought and man from an open raft.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

Old ladies in wheelchairs with blankets over their legs, I don’t think so… retired mermaids.

(1964 – ) English comedian

I think that women just have a primeval instinct to make soup, which they will try to foist on anybody who looks like a likely candidate.

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer

Crying is the refuge of plain women, but the ruin of pretty ones.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet

Your dresses should be tight enough to show you're a woman and loose enough to show you're a lady.

(1898 – 1981) American costume designer

If you are flattering a woman, it pays to be a little more subtle; you don’t have to bother with men, they believe any compliment automatically.

(1939 – ) English playwright

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he's a baby.

(1938 – 1981) American actress

Marry an outdoors woman; then if you throw her out into the yard for the night, she can still survive.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time.

(1903 – 1968) movie actress

Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go somewhere and read the book, I might have a little fun!

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

If she gets a hot flash and walks into a cold room, she can make it rain.

American actor & comedian

In a relationship you have to communicate, which means listening to her talk… ladies, you fake orgasms… we fake listening.

(1962 – ) American comedian & actor

Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child; she must be found and stopped.

(1911 – 1980) humorist, writer, television host & journalist

A man always blames the woman who fooled him, in the same way he blames the door he walks into in the dark.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

Women want mediocre men, and men are working hard to become as mediocre as possible.

(1901 – 1978) anthropologist

Definition of a Jewish nymphomaniac: A woman who will make love the same day she has her hair done.

(1946 – ) British actress, columnist & comedian

Women have got to make the world safe for men since men have made it so darned unsafe for women.

(1879 – 1964) British politician

What I really need is a woman who loves me for my money but doesn’t understand math.

(1978 – ) American comedian & writer