Subject: Places (Page 34)

Given the unlikely options of attending a funeral or a sex orgy, a true Irishman will always opt for the funeral.

(1928 – 2002) Irish playwright, novelist & essayist
People Places

Venezuela! Great, that's the Italian city with the guys in the boats, right?

American boxing promoter
Boxing Misspokements Places Sports

Americans always try to do the right thing – after they’ve tried everything else.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
America People Places

In Hollywood now when people die they don’t say, “did he leave a will?” but “did he leave a diary.”

(1946 – ) American actress & singer
Hollywood Places

I’ve still got a lot to learn about Washington… Thursday, I accidentally spent some of my own money.

U.S. Senator (1942 – 2015) U.S. senator (Tennessee) & actor
Government Places

Space is almost infinite; as a matter of fact, we think it is infinite.

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician
Misspokements Places Science/Weather

Even today, well-brought-up English girls are taught by their mothers to boil all veggies for at least a month and a half, just in case one of the dinner guests turns up without his teeth.

(1935 – ) columnist, journalist & novelist
England Food/Drink Places

America is the country where you buy a lifetime supply of aspirin for one dollar and use it up in two weeks.

(1882 – 1942) American actor
America Places Problems

The hardest part of running competitively in Wales must be keeping up with the Joneses.

(1973 – ) English writer & stand-up comedian
Places

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the states, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
America Arms Things

Neutral countries – aren’t.

Government Military Murphy’s Laws Places

A car is useless in New York, essential everywhere else; the same with good manners.

(1913 – 1983) journalist & author
Autos New York City Places Things

New York is not Mecca… it just smells like it.

(1927 – 2018) playwright & screenwriter
Characteristics New York City Places

Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic.

1867 – 1931) English novelist
America Autos People Places

Remember, no matter where you go, there you are.

scriptwriter & author
Places Situations

The definition of an atheist in Alabama is a person who doesn’t believe in Bear Bryant.

Georgia football coach
Beliefs Places

Also-ran: A British athlete.

British writer, cartoonist, poet & performer
England Places Wordplay

Without geography you're nowhere.

(1946 – ) singer, songwriter, author & businessman
Places Science/Weather

A government survey reveals the prime minister is doing the work of two men… Laurel and Hardy.

(1930 – 2016) Scottish stand-up comedian, actor, writer & broadcaster
England Government

An Iranian moderate is one that has run out of ammunition.

(1923 – ) German-born diplomat & scholar
Arms Conflict Government People Places

In California, if someone crosses the street, we'll stop.

(1963 – ) American actor & stand-up comedian
Autos Places