Subject: Problems » Accidents

Accident: A thing that is caused by people, but often causes people.

Accidents Definitions Problems

If it jams, force it; if it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.

Accidents Failure Murphy’s Laws

The worst thing about accidents in the kitchen is that you usually have to eat them.


Accidents Cooking Food/Drink Problems

I am a poor man, but I have this consolation: I am poor by accident, not by design.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Accidents Money Poverty

A dropped power tool will always land on the concrete instead of the soft ground (if outdoors) or the carpet (if indoors) – unless it is running, in which case it will fall on something it can damage (like your foot).

Accidents Murphy’s Laws Things

Most accidents in well-designed systems involve two or more events of low probability occurring in the worst possible combination.

Accidents Murphy’s Laws Problems

A paint drip will always find the hole in the newspaper and land on the carpet underneath (and will not be discovered until it has dried).

Accidents Murphy’s Laws

A dropped object will fall with an acceleration of 32 feet per second per second, and if it is your wallet, it will make every effort to land in a public toilet.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Accidents Murphy’s Laws Problems

Some guy hit my fender and I said "be fruitful and multiply" but not in those words.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Accidents Autos Things

Experience varies directly with equipment ruined.

Accidents Murphy’s Laws Problems

Man is the only kind of varmint who sets his own trap, baits it, then steps on it.

(1902 – 1968) novelist
Accidents Animals People Problems

I spilled spot remover on my dog… he’s gone now.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Accidents Animals Dogs Problems

I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

actor, writer & editor
Accidents Problems War

Bare feet magnetize sharp metal objects so they always point upwards from the floor… especially in the dark.

Accidents Murphy’s Laws Situations Things

After you've heard two eyewitness accounts of an automobile accident, you begin to worry about history.

(1953 – ) comedian & actor
Accidents Autos History Time Truth

Yesterday I accidentally hit a little kid with my car; it wasn’t serious – nobody saw me.

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian
Accidents Problems

We know what happens to people who stay in the middle of the road; they get run over.

(1897 – 1960) Welsh labor leader & politician
Accidents Beliefs Opinion Problems

If most auto accidents happen within five miles of home, why don’t we move ten miles away?

Accidents Autos Problems Things

I think the homeless have it pretty good because 98% of deadly accidents happen inside the home.

(1982 – ) American stand-up comedian
Accidents People Problems

If you break a cup or plate, it will not be the one that was already chipped or cracked.

Accidents Murphy’s Laws Problems

The leading cause of hot air balloon crashes is blowing an open flame into a f**king cloth balloon with a basket attached.

(1973 – ) American writer, stand-up comedian, actor, director & producer
Accidents Problems Things