Subject: Problems » Accidents

A child will not spill on a dirty floor.

New York is the only city in the world where you can get deliberately run down on the sidewalk by a pedestrian.

(1925 – ) columnist & journalist

Anything dropped in the bathroom falls in the toilet.

If we see light at the end of the tunnel, it’s the light of the oncoming train.

They're funny things, accidents; you never have them till you're having them.

fictional character from the book series by A. A. Milne

A dropped power tool will always land on the concrete instead of the soft ground (if outdoors) or the carpet (if indoors) – unless it is running, in which case it will fall on something it can damage (like your foot).

The only way to amuse some people is to slip and fall on an icy pavement.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor

A valuable dropped item will always fall into an inaccessible place (a diamond ring down the drain, for example) – or into the garbage disposal while it is running.

If you fall and break your legs, don't come running to me.

(1879 – 1974) film producer

If you break a cup or plate, it will not be the one that was already chipped or cracked.

I am a poor man, but I have this consolation: I am poor by accident, not by design.

(1818 – 1885) humorist

Man is the only kind of varmint who sets his own trap, baits it, then steps on it.

(1902 – 1968) novelist

The bag that breaks is the one with the eggs.

If you can laugh at yourself loud and hard every time you fall, people will think you're drunk.

(1963 – ) television host & comedian

Anything dropped in the bathroom will fall in the toilet.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist

If men have a smell it's usually an accident.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

Yesterday I accidentally hit a little kid with my car; it wasn’t serious – nobody saw me.

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian

A flying particle will seek the nearest eye.

When the water reaches the upper deck, follow the rats.

I spilled spot remover on my dog… he’s gone now.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

Stuff tends to break when it is loaned or borrowed.