Subject: Science/Weather (Page 16)

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

(1908 – 2002) comedian, radio & television actor
Body Mothers Science/Weather

It is so hot… I saw a squirrel fanning his nuts.

Exaggerations Heat Science/Weather

Scientists are trying to produce life in the laboratory, but it shouldn’t be difficult if the laboratory assistant is pretty and willing.

(1914 – 1997) American writer
Science/Weather

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks grey?

(1973 – ) American comedian
Animals Science/Weather

I don’t know why I should have to learn Algebra… I’m never likely to go there.

(1942 – ) Scottish comedian, musician & actor
Places Science/Weather

I’d like the window that says “Are you sure you want to do this? “OK/Cancel” to pop up less often on my computer and more in my real life.

Life Science/Weather

Enzymes are things invented by biologists that explain things which otherwise require harder thinking.

(1920 – 2011) American scientist & professor
Science/Weather

The speed of an oncoming vehicle is directly proportional to the length of the passing zone.

Activities Driving Murphy’s Laws Science/Weather

Statistician: A person who can draw a mathematically precise line from an unwarranted assumption to a foregone conclusion. 

Definitions Occupations Science/Weather

There are two kinds of light — the glow that illumines, and the glare that obscures.

(1894 – 1961) author, cartoonist & humorist
Science/Weather

I ran into Isosceles; he has a great idea for a new triangle!

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Science/Weather

It was so cold… I chipped a tooth on my soup.

Cold Exaggerations Science/Weather

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

(1879 – 1955) German-born physicist
Science/Weather

I have the oldest typewriter in the world; it types in pencil.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Communication Science/Weather Things

The Bible never says anything about dinosaurs.  You can't say there were dinosaurs when you never saw them.  Somebody actually saw Adam and Eve.  No one ever saw a Tyrannosaurus Rex.

American baseball player
Baseball History Science/Weather Sports

If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Science/Weather

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

Murphy’s Laws Science/Weather

It's a good thing we have gravity, or else when birds died they'd just stay right up there; hunters would be all confused.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Animals Science/Weather

Reading computer manuals without the hardware is as frustrating as reading sex manuals without the software.

(1917 – ) English physicist & science fiction author
Computers Science/Weather Sex Things

It is so hot… the cows arre giving evaporated milk.

Exaggerations Heat Science/Weather

Space is almost infinite; as a matter of fact, we think it is infinite.

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician
Misspokements Places Science/Weather