Subject: Situations (Page 10)

Gain a modest reputation for being unreliable and you will never be asked to do a thing.

(1941 – ) novelist
Characteristics Situations

The new hardware will break down as soon as the old is disconnected and out.

Failure Murphy’s Laws Problems Situations Things

What may seem depressing or even tragic to one person may seem like an absolute scream to another person, especially if he has had between four and seven beers.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Beer Emotions Situations

To protect your position, fire the fastest rising employees first.

Murphy’s Laws People Situations Work

If all else fails, try the obvious.

Problems Proverbs Situations

Never moon a werewolf.

(1958 – ) screenwriter, film director & actor
Problems Situations

Ain’t ya never heard silence is gold?

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Malaprops Situations

Up the creek in a boat with a hole.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Malaprops Situations

Castro couldn't even go to the bathroom unless the Soviet Union put the nickel in the toilet.

(1913 – 1994) 37th U.S. president
People Places Situations

The time to pray is not when we are in a tight spot but just as soon as we get out of it.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Beliefs Situations

I was court-martialled in my absence, and sentenced to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my absence.

(1923 – 1964) Irish poet, short story writer, novelist & playwright
Government Law Situations

All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage; Taking children into a house with white carpet is one of them.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Children Family Situations

If the odds are a million to one against something occurring, chances are 50–50 it will.

Situations

The first time I went to a restaurant, they asked me: “How many in your party?” and I said “Six hundred million.”

(1951 – ) Soviet-American comedian
Government Situations

He enjoys that perfect peace, that peace beyond all understanding, which comes at its maximum only to the man who has given up golf.

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist
Golf Situations Sports

The repairman will never have seen a model quite like yours before.

Murphy’s Laws Problems Situations

I grew up in a very large family in a very small house; I never slept alone until after I was married.

(1946 – 1994) writer & humorist
Marriage Situations Sleep

Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance.

Murphy’s Laws People Situations

The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

Murphy’s Laws People Situations

Inside every large problem is a small problem struggling to get out.

Murphy’s Laws Problems Situations

I saw a charity appeal in The Guardian the other day, and it read, ‘Little Zuki has to walk 13 miles a day just to fetch water.’ … and I couldn’t help thinking, ‘she should move.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Situations