Subject: Situations (Page 10)

You have to kiss a lot of toads before you find a handsome prince.

Dating Relationships Situations

Gimme:  An agreement between two losers who can't putt.

(1907 – 1987) American journalist & author
Golf Situations Sports

Most projects require three hands.

Murphy’s Laws Problems Situations

If only God would give me some clear sign! … like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Beliefs God Money Situations

A rolling stone gathers momentum.

Science/Weather Situations

If a man who cannot count finds a four-leaf clover, is he lucky?

(1909 – 1966) Polish poet, writer & aphorist
Characteristics Situations

Nothing is impossible; some things are just less likely than others.

(1925 – 2013) comedian & actor
Situations

Is it fair to say that there'd be less litter in Britain if blind people were given pointed sticks?'

British comedian
Situations

Enough is never enough.

Children Murphy’s Laws Situations

I'd always believed that old saying that the first 15 minutes in jail were the toughest, until I experienced the five minutes after that.

(1962 – ) American actor, comedian, writer, director & producer
Situations Time

The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.

Body Cold Murphy’s Laws Science/Weather Situations

I bought a cheap piece of land… it was on someone else's property.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Situations

It wasn't that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one would tell me where it was.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
People Situations

Bare feet magnetize sharp metal objects so they always point upwards from the floor… especially in the dark.

Accidents Murphy’s Laws Situations Things

They say being a hostage is difficult… but I could do that with my hands tied behind my back.

Phil Nichol Canadian comedian, singer-songwriter & actor
Situations

I once went on a date and asked the woman if she'd brought any protection… she pulled a switchblade on me.

writer, website creator
Dating Sex Situations

I hate when my foot falls asleep during the day because I know it will be up all night.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Situations Sleep

I’m so lazy I’ve got a smoke alarm with a snooze button.

(1967 – ) English actor, writer & comedian
Characteristics Situations Things

Living with a saint is more grueling than being one.

(died 1457) English Bishop of Salisbury
People Situations

Spain's new Prime Minister … announced he will soon call back Spain's 1300 troops from Iraq… meaning the coalition of the willing is fast turning into a duet of the stubborn.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
Government Places Politics Situations

I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it.

(1942 – ) humorist & radio broadcaster
Characteristics Intelligence Situations