Subject: Situations (Page 53)

You win some, you lose some, and then there’s that little-known third category.

(1948 – ) U.S. vice president & politician, author & environmentalist
Elections/Voting Government Situations

If you see a bandwagon, it's too late.

(1933 – 1997) Anglo-French billionaire financier
Situations

In any decision situation, the amount of relevant information available is inversely proportional to the importance of the decision.

Murphy’s Laws Situations

He took us forty years into the desert in order to bring us to the one place in the Middle East that has no oil!

(1898 – 1978) Israeli prime minister
History People Situations

No day is so bad it can’t be fixed with a nap.

(1953 – ) American comedian, writer & actor
Life Situations

Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Animals Situations

Remember that nobody will ever get ahead of you as long as he is kicking you in the seat of the pants.

(1897 – 1972) broadcast journalist & gossip columnist
Communication Situations

I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks… and it was way to literal for me.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Situations Things

People who live in glass houses should masturbate in the basement.

(1972 – ) Irish comedian & television presenter
Sex Situations

Stupidity got us into this mess, and stupidity will get us out.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Situations Stupidity TV/Movie Quotes

It's bad luck to be superstitious.

Situations

I feel like a fugitive from the law of averages.

(1921 –2003) American editorial & war cartoonist
People Self Situations

When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.

Murphy’s Laws Problems Situations

Christmas always sucked when I was a kid because I believed in Santa Claus, and unfortunately, so did my parents.

(1973 – ) American stand-up comedian
Family Parents Situations

I have no sex appeal; if my husband didn’t toss and turn, we’d never have had the kid.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Sex Situations Sleep

He no play-a da game, he no make-a da rules.

(1909 – 2008) U.S. secretary of agriculture
Situations

I once caught a peeping Tom booing me.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Sex Situations

There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Animals Men People Situations Time

If winners never quit, and quitters never win, what idiot came up with quit while you're ahead?

People Situations