Subject: Situations (Page 51)

Whenever someone says, ‘I don’t believe in coincidences.’ I say, ‘Oh my God, me neither!’

comedian & animator
Situations

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Problems Situations

It’s a lot more fun to blame things than to fix them.

(1955 – ) cartoonist (Calvin and Hobbes)
Situations

It was a tough gig; they had to wake me up to fire me.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Situations Work

… just to relieve the monopoly.

Malaprops Situations

The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

Murphy’s Laws People Situations

I went to the 30th reunion of my preschool; I didn’t want to go, because I’ve put on like a hundred pounds.

(1961 – ) American stand-up comedian
Appearance Body Fat Situations

Sleep is the best of both worlds: you get to be alive and unconscious.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Situations Sleep

Sometimes, when I’m sure people can only see the back of my head, I enjoy sneaking in a quick catnap at work; they never last too long though, because invariable someone rings the bell telling me they want to get off my bus.

Situations

I used to be indecisive; but now I'm not sure.

Characteristics Situations

You never get tired unless you stop and take time for it.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Situations Time

Most projects require three hands.

Murphy’s Laws Problems Situations

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Characteristics Driving Situations

Living well is the best revenge.

writer, humorist, columnist & speaker
Life Situations

Gain a modest reputation for being unreliable and you will never be asked to do a thing.

(1941 – ) novelist
Characteristics Situations

I saw a charity appeal in The Guardian the other day, and it read, ‘Little Zuki has to walk 13 miles a day just to fetch water.’ … and I couldn’t help thinking, ‘she should move.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Situations

A hole is nothing at all, but you can break your neck in it.

(1858 – 1932) American physicist, physician & humorist
Problems Situations

They live so deep in the woods they kept possums as yard dogs.

Animals Expressions Places Situations

I can look at a car’s headlights and tell you exactly which way it’s coming.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Autos Situations Things

Maybe it would have been better if neither of us had been born.

(1769 – 1821) French general & politician
Life Situations

If an ass goes a-traveling, he'll not come home a horse.

Characteristics Proverbs Situations