Subject: Time (Page 12)

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

Time wounds all heels.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

If I’m not back in five minutes… just wait longer.

(1962 – ) Canadian-American actor & comedian

You make the beds, you wash the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

The only things that start on time are those that you're late for.

I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian

Countries are making nuclear weapons like there is no tomorrow.

(1956 – ) American comedian

Fish and visitors smell in three days.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor

I often think about my future wife and how lax she's been about getting in touch with me.

(1969 – ) American stand-up comedian

Worrying about the future is a thing of the past.

(1927 – 1997) Am. comedian & satirist notable for mock presidential campaign

While it may be true that a watched pot never boils, the one you don’t keep and eye on can make an awful mess on your stove.

(1820 – 1897) Mormon missionary

He is accelerating all the time; the last lap was run in 64 seconds and the one before that in 62.

(1926 – ) English sports commentator

First Things First, but not necessarily in that order.

I intend to live forever – so far, so good.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

We learn something every day, and lots of times it’s that what we learned the day before was wrong.

(1915 – 1977) columnist, writer & actor

Good punctuation means not to be late.

The trouble with being punctual is that there's nobody there to appreciate it.

(1908 – 1993) American composer, lyricist & writer

When a person says that, in the interest of saving time, he will summarize his prepared statement, he will talk only three times as long as if he had read the statement in the first place.

It takes a woman twenty years to make a man of her son, and another woman twenty minutes to make a fool of him.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist

I went to a meeting for premature ejaculators… I left early.

(1894 – 1974) comedian, radio & television host

Flying from the U.S. to Tokyo takes approximately as long as law school.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist