Subject: Time (Page 24)

I find that the further I go back, the better things were, whether they happened or not.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics Past Situations Truth

Why do they collect garbage at 5 a.m.; it’s garbage… it’s not going to go bad again.

(1965 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host
Situations Time

You always think another time would have been ideal for you; the reality is there was no novocaine when you went to the dentist.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
History Past Time

Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?

Money Time

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

Murphy’s Laws Time

I don’t want to say the wait was long, but the guy in front of me was being treated for a musket wound.

(1962 – ) American stand-up comedian, writer, actor & radio host
Health Time

Bureaucracy defends the status quo long past the time when the quo has lost its status.

(1919 – 1990) educator & writer
Government Time

No matter how long or how hard you shop for an item, after you've bought it it will be on sale somewhere cheaper.

Money Murphy’s Laws Shopping Time

Good Old Days: What people fifty years hence will be calling the present time.

Definitions Past Time

He who warned, uh, the British that they weren’t gonna be takin’ away our arms, uh, by ringing those bells, and um, makin’ sure as he’s riding his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells that we were going to be sure and we were going to be free, and we were going to be armed.

(1964 – ) U.S. governor (Alaska) commentator & author
History Misspokements

I was a peripheral visionary; I could see the future, but only way off to the side.I was a peripheral visionary; I could see the future, but only way off to the side.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Future Time

The length of time it takes a bill to pass through the legislature is in inverse proportion to the number of lobbying groups favoring it.

Government Law Murphy’s Laws Time

It ain't often that a man's reputation outlasts his money.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Money Time

Events in the past may be roughly divided into those which probably never happened and those which do not matter.

(1860 – 1954) English author, Anglican priest, professor & dean
History Time

Better late than… pregnant.

Proverbs Situations Time

His impact on history would be no more than the whiff of scent on a lady's handkerchief.

(1863 – 1945) British politician & statesman
History Insults

The English are not very spiritual people, so they invented cricket to give them some idea of eternity.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
England People Places Sports Time

Time is money, especially when you are talking to a lawyer or buying a commercial.

(1902 – 1963) Danish actor
Government Law Lawyers Money Time

History does not repeat itself; historians simply repeat each other.

History Murphy’s Laws Time

When the issue is trivial, and everyone understands it, debate is almost interminable.

Murphy’s Laws Time

Sooner or later, I'll be punctual.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist
Characteristics Time