Subject: Work (Page 19)

Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist

A critic is someone who never actually goes to the battle, yet who afterwards comes out shooting the wounded.

(1946 – ) American stage & screen actress

Without drugs, I would have never got my job… selling drugs.


Statistician: A person who believes that if you put your head in a furnace and your feet in a bucket of iced water, on the average you should feel reasonably comfortable.

Gourmet: A food fetishist.

I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress

If I’m making millions to put a ball through a hoop, you can’t ever piss me off.

(1975 – ) American comedian, actor & writer

Authority tends to assign jobs to those least able to do them.

Generals who can write always make me nervous.

(1921 – ) American newspaper editor

Bob Porter: Looks like you’ve been missing a lot of work lately.
Peter Gibbons: I wouldn’t say I’ve been missing it, Bob.

(1967 – ) American actor

Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer

In California everyone goes to a therapist, is a therapist , or is a therapist going to a therapist.

(1924 – 1984) American author

You make the beds, you wash the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

There's no business like show business… but there are several businesses like accounting.

(1947 – ) comedian & television host

You know you're getting old when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

Never mistake motion for action.

(1899 – 1961) author & journalist

A professional is one who does a good job even when he doesn't feel like it.

Enough research will tend to support your theory.

The only reason people work for airlines is because the Nazi party is no longer hiring.

(1983 – ) American comedian

I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted pay checks.

If work were good for you, the rich would leave none for the poor.