Subject: Work (Page 21)

99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Government Lawyers Occupations Work

I’ve been temping at the job that laid me off, and that’s awkward because everybody knows I got canned, and they think I’ve come back to shoot them.

stand-up comedian & writer
Conflict Situations Work

Dinosaurs with Jobs

Book Titles Occupations Work

Employment Agency: Where people are put in their place.

Definitions Work

A toastmaster is a man who eats a meal he doesn’t want so he can get up and tell a lot of stories he doesn’t remember to people who’ve already heard them.

(1898 – 1981) actor, singer, songwriter & movie producer
Communication Occupations People Work

Drama Critic: A person who surprises the playwright by informing him what he meant.

Definitions Occupations Reviews/Criticism

Living up to ideals is like doing everyday work with your Sunday clothes on.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor
Appearance Clothing Life Work

‘Son, I don’t think you’re cut out to be a mime.’ ‘Was it something I said?’ asks the son. ‘Yes.’

(Daniel Barker) British comedian, voice-artist & actor
Communication Occupations Speech Work

Management: A class of semi-skilled corporate hirelings whose rise within the organization correlates directly with the amount of work they delegate to their more-talented underlings.

Definitions Work

Much work, much food; little work, little food; no work, burial at sea.

Food/Drink Life Murphy’s Laws Work

Banker: A pawn broker with a manicure.

Definitions Occupations Work

My first job consisted of me answering a phone… but it wasn't for me.

British comedian
Occupations Self Work

A man can do more than he thinks he can, but he usually does less than he thinks he does.

(1863 – 1945) British politician & statesman
Situations Work

I want everyone to tell me the truth, even if it costs him his job.

(1879 – 1974) film producer
Characteristics Honesty Truth Work

There may be said to be three sorts of lawyers, able, unable, and lamentable.

(1805 – 1864) English editor, novelist & sporting writer
Lawyers Occupations Work

There's no real need to do housework – after four years it doesn't get any worse.

(1908 – 1999) English writer
Housework Situations Work

Do they give pilots crash courses in flight school?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Communication Occupations Wordplay Work

… there are three sexes – men, women, and clergymen.

(1771 – 1845) English writer & Anglican clergyman
Occupations People

History repeats itself; historians repeat one another.

(1887 – 1915) English poet
History Occupations Time

Plumber: A drain surgeon.

Definitions Occupations

Everyone who does not work has a scheme that does.

Murphy’s Laws Work