Subject: Work (Page 21)

Everyone who does not work has a scheme that does.

Murphy’s Laws Work

Gourmet: A food fetishist.

Cooking Definitions Food/Drink Occupations

Executive: A person who can take two hours for lunch without anybody missing him.

Definitions Occupations

A guy gave me a job at an information booth – no questions asked.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comic
Occupations Work

Finish last in your league and they call you idiot; finish last in medical school and they call you doctor.

(1922 – 2002) American college basketball coach
Doctors Health Occupations Sports Work

People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Money Occupations People Work

History repeats itself; historians repeat one another.

(1887 – 1915) English poet
History Occupations Time

Too many people are ready to carry the stool when the piano needs to be moved.

Work

He’s so lazy he wouldn’t work in a pie factory.

Characteristics Expressions Work

[Critics] search for ages for the wrong word, which, to give them credit, they eventually find.

(1921 – 2004) English actor & author
Communication Occupations Work

Politicians are wonderful people as long as they stay away from things they don't understand, such as working for a living.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Government Politicians Work

Architects: People who now have to measure their patrons for the breakfast nook.

Definitions Occupations

The ideal resume will turn up one day after the position is filled.

Murphy’s Laws Work

Strip Teaser: One who makes a bare living.

Body Definitions Occupations

No one wants to hear about the labor pains, they just want to see the baby.

(1939 – ) American baseball player
Success Work

I would not want to be a mobile home repo man… Knock knock… “Hi, would you go cut your grass and look that way for a half an hour?”

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Occupations Work

The two most important jobs in America are held by foreigners – room service and goal-kicking.

(1931 – 2012) American college football historian & television commentator
Occupations People Sports Work

Dentist: A collector of old magazines.

Definitions Occupations

There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.

(1880 – ?) American author
Situations Work

I yield to no one in my admiration for the office as a social center, but it’s no place actually to get any work done.

(1928 – ) British journalist, writer & columnist
Activities Work

Sometimes I wish I could do at least one thing at a time.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist
Work