Subject: Work (Page 25)

Job: A place where you work just hard enough to avoid getting fired while getting paid just enough to avoid quitting.

Definitions Work

Farming looks easy when your plow is a pencil and you’re a thousand miles from a cornfield.

(1890 – 1969) 34th U.S. president, U.S. Army General
Work

If anything goes bad, I did it… if anything goes semi-good, we did it… if anything goes really good, then you did it; that's all it takes to get people to win football games for you.

1913 – 1983) American college football coach
People Situations Success Work

A toastmaster is a man who eats a meal he doesn’t want so he can get up and tell a lot of stories he doesn’t remember to people who’ve already heard them.

(1898 – 1981) actor, singer, songwriter & movie producer
Communication Occupations People Work

Executive: An under-worked, over-paid person who is in over their head.

Definitions Occupations

What do you give a florist who is sick?

(1928 – 2003) English entertainer
Occupations Work

Sailors ought never to go to church; they ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.

(1866 – 1946) English author
Occupations Work

The number of people in any working group tends to increase regardless of the amount of work to be done.

Murphy’s Laws People Work

If the hours are long enough and the pay is short enough, someone will say it's women's work.

Money People Women Work

Everybodyworks for the sales department

Murphy’s Laws Occupations Work

There’s no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Government Work

Here I am paying big money to you writers and what for? … all you do is change the words.

(1879 – 1974) film producer
Communication Misspokements Occupations Reading/Writing Work

When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: 'Whose?'

(1878 – 1937) humorist, journalist & author
Money People Wealth Work

Automation has opened up a whole new field of unemployment.

Situations Work

The ratio of time involved in work to time available for work is usually about 0.6.

Murphy’s Laws Time Work

Author: A writer with connections in the publishing industry.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Occupations Work

If you break 100, watch your golf; if you break 80, watch your business.

(1911 – 1999) comedian, author & columnist
Golf Sports Work

You think when gym teachers are younger, they’re thinking, “You know, I want to teach, but I don’t want to read?”

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Education Occupations Work

A consultant is someone who saves his client almost enough to pay his fee.

(1905 –1998) American author
Occupations Work

The one time during the day you lean back and relax is the one time the boss walks by.

Murphy’s Laws Work

Rosten’s First Law: First-rate people hire first-rate people; second-rate people hire third-rate people.

(1908 – 1997) German-born teacher, academic & humorist
Murphy’s Laws People Work