Subject: Work (Page 9)

If the hours are long enough and the pay is short enough, someone will say it's women's work.

Money People Women Work

I used to be a plastic surgeon, which raised a few eyebrows.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Occupations Wordplay Work

Accountant: One who uses your books to figure his profit.

Definitions Occupations

Hard work is damn near as overrated as monogamy.

(1893 – 1935) U.S. governor & senator (Louisiana)
Marriage Work

Science is a wonderful thing if one does not have to earn one’s living at it.

(1879 – 1955) German-born physicist
Money Science/Weather Work

It's a recession when your neighbor loses his job: it's a depression when you lose yours.

(1884 – 1972) 33rd U.S. president
Work

My girl works at Hooters… in the kitchen.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Girlfriends People Work

A man can do more than he thinks he can, but he usually does less than he thinks he does.

(1863 – 1945) British politician & statesman
Situations Work

Work is accomplished by those employees who have not yet reached their level of incompetence.

(1919 – 1990) educator & writer
Success Work

To protect your position, fire the fastest rising employees first.

Murphy’s Laws People Situations Work

I got a new job stitching shoes; it was so-so.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Language Occupations Work

There’s no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting.

(1947 – ) comedian & television host
Entertainment Work

Truck Driver: A man who has the opportunity to run into so many nice people.

Definitions Occupations

It is a statistical fact that the wicked work harder to reach hell than the righteous do to enter heaven.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
People Work

I wish I had put ballet shoes on him and not boxing gloves.

Boxing Occupations Sports

Me carrying a briefcase is like a hotdog wearing earrings.

(1934 – 2010) American baseball manager
Occupations People Self Work

Sanitation Worker: The title conferred on garbage men when they  started earning more than public school teachers.

Definitions Occupations

When you do not know what you are doing, do it neatly.

Murphy’s Laws Work

Undertaker: The last guy to let you down.

Definitions Occupations Work

The dubious privilege of a freelance writer is he’s given the freedom to starve anywhere.

(1904 – 1979) Jewish-American humorist, author & screenwriter
Occupations Work

We’re all endowed with God-given talents… mine happens to be hitting people in the head.

American boxing champion
Boxing Occupations Sports