Author: Anonymous Page 10

Don’t cast swine before bears.

Mixed metaphors

Let’s go to lunch, I'm emancipated!

Food/Drink Malaprops

It's a walk in the cake.

Mixed metaphors

He'll take your head off at the blink of a hat.

Mixed metaphors

Parents: The one thing children wear out faster than shoes.

Definitions Family Parents

Adolescence is the time in life when a youngster is well informed about anything he doesn’t have to study.

Age

False Pregnancy: Laboring under a misconception.

Definitions

We all act as one heartbeat.

Mixed metaphors

Altar-Boy: A type of bicycle accident.

Definitions

Garden: Something that dies if you don’t water it, and rots if you do.

Definitions

“I think I’ve broken my leg ”, reported Tom lamely.

Tom Swifties

I can syncronize with those homeless people.

Malaprops

Efficiency Expert: A man who knows less about your business than you do and gets paid more for telling you how to run it than you could possibly make out of it, even if you ran it right instead of the way he told you to.

Definitions

She is so fat… when she sits around the house, she sits around the house.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

There are no personal problems which cannot be solved through suitable application of high explosives.

Problems

Experience: What causes a person to make new mistakes instead of the same old ones.

Definitions Mistakes

Business Forecaster: A person who is uncertain about the future and hazy about the present.

Definitions

“Get out of my hair,” was Tom’s brush-off.

Tom Swifties

Financial Wizard: A person who can earn money faster than the family can spend it.

Definitions Money

I've been mostly camping and living in hostiles.

Malaprops Places

I will be brief… not nearly so brief as Salvador Dali, who gave the world's shortest speech; he said 'I will be so brief I have already finished,' and he sat down."

Communication Speech