Author: Anonymous Page 106

“Would you like some soda?” asked Tom caustically.

Tom Swifties

“I know which boyd gets the woym,” said Tom in an oily voice.

Tom Swifties

Marriage is the price men pay for sex, sex is the price women pay for marriage.

Marriage Men People Sex Women

Why is abbreviation such a long word?

Communication Language

Hotter than a depot stove

Expressions Science/Weather

Friend: A good friend is like a good bra… hard to find, supportive, comfortable, and always close to your heart.

Definitions Friends People

“I won’t finish in fifth place,” Tom held forth.

Tom Swifties

Mouse: An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate.

Computers Definitions Things

Genealogy: An account of one’s descent from an ancestor who did not particularly care to trace his own.

Definitions Family

“This game is foul,” Tom groused.

Tom Swifties

Hypochondriac: Someone who enjoys bad health.

Definitions Health

Liposuction: A surgical procedure from which the patient emerges significantly lighter in both pounds and dollars.

Appearance Body Definitions Health

He breathes through his nose to keep from wearing out his teeth.

Expressions Frugal

I guess you could say I'm an internal optometrist.

Malaprops

Sex: The formula by which one and one makes three.

Definitions Sex

A fool and his money is a friend indeed.

Fools Friends Intelligence Money People

A sound mind and a sound body go hand in hand.

Mixed metaphors

Peeping Tom: A window fan.

Definitions Wordplay

Noise: Earitation.

Definitions

Chauffeur: A man who is smart enough to operate an automobile, but clever enough not to own one.

Autos Definitions Things

Skiing may be a winter activity, but some think of it as a fall sport.

Sports Wordplay