Author: Anonymous Page 11

Smile: To expose a portion of one’s skeleton as a gesture of goodwill toward a fellow human.

Definitions

Expert: A man from another city, and the farther away that city is, the greater the expert.

Definitions

Couldn't scratch his ass if he had a tiger in both hands.

Expressions Intelligence Stupidity

The trouble with ignorance is that it picks up confidence as it goes along.

Characteristics Intelligence

Borrower: A man who tries to live within your means.

Definitions

The world is full of apathy, but I don't care.

Beliefs Opinion

Intuition: The strange instinct that tells a woman she is right whether she is or not.

Definitions Women

I once knew a woman who offered her honor, so I honored her offer, and all night long I was on her and off her.

Sex Wordplay

Sunburn: Getting what you basked for.

Definitions

She is so old… she was the waitress at the last supper.

Age Exaggerations Old

Censor: A person who sticks his noes into other people’s business.

Definitions

Adam’s Rib: The original bone of contention.

Definitions

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.

Emotions Fear Happiness

Up a tree without a paddle.

Mixed metaphors

Middle Age: When you no longer care where your wife wants to go – so long as you don’t have to go with her.

Age Definitions Wives

Democracy: A small hard core of common agreement, surrounded by a rich variety of individual difference.

Definitions Democracy Government

I’d have to get better just to die.

Expressions Health

“Ouch! When I get stung, I want revenge,” said Tom begrudgingly.

Tom Swifties

Gossip: Anything that goes in one ear and over the back fence.

Communication Definitions Speech

Litigant: A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones.

Definitions Law

A carpenter was the low rung on a totem pole.

Mixed metaphors