Author: Anonymous Page 117

Communism: Liberation of the people from the burdens of liberty.

Definitions Government

I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted pay checks.

Work

Demagogue: A man who preaches doctrines he knows to be untrue to men he knows to be idiots.

Definitions

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

Appearance Body Characteristics

Chivalry: The attitude of a man toward somebody else’s wife.

Definitions

Business Forecaster: A person who is uncertain about the future and hazy about the present.

Definitions

“My friend and I steal things together,” Tom corroborated.

Tom Swifties

So short he has to stand on a box to kick a duck in the ass.

Appearance Body Expressions

A falling nozzle will turn toward you and land on its trigger.

Problems Things

The only thing wrong with being an atheist is that there's nobody to talk to during an orgasm.

Beliefs God Sex

Tube Dress: A dress which is an extended boob tube.

Clothing Definitions

He is so fat… he has group insurance.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

She's as headstrong as an allegory on the banks of Nile.

Characteristics Malaprops

Snoring: Sound sleeping.

Definitions

Get two birds stoned at once.

Mixed metaphors

Bay: A body of water surrounded by restaurants.

Definitions Places

Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

Fools Intelligence

Blind Date: When you expect to meet a vision and he turns out to be a sight.

Dating Definitions Relationships

You’re fighting upstream.

Mixed metaphors

“I have a delivery of shoes for the prisoners,” said Tom consolingly.

Tom Swifties

Lemonade Stand: Complicated business venture where Mom buys powdered mix, sugar, lemons, and paper cups, and sets up a table, chairs, pitchers and ice for kids who sit there for three to six minutes and net a profit of fifteen cents.

Definitions