Author: Anonymous Page 144

Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

Definitions

It was not the apple on the tree but the pair on the ground that caused the trouble in the garden.

Beliefs People Religion Sex

Architects: People who now have to measure their patrons for the breakfast nook.

Definitions Occupations

A husband always prefers his wife’s mother-in-law to his own.

Marriage

If winners never quit, and quitters never win, what idiot came up with quit while you're ahead?

People Situations

Gifted Children: Unfortunate tykes who lack the good sense to hide their talents from overly ambitious parents.

Definitions Family

America: A land where a citizen will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, and won’t cross the street to vote in a national election.

America Definitions Places

“That’s price-fixing!” said Tom caustically.

Tom Swifties

If you know you don't know much, you are smarter than most people.

Intelligence

“Parsley, sage, rosemary,” said Tom timelessly.

Tom Swifties

The most important decision is that of excepting Jesus in your life.

Malaprops

I'm shooting from the seat of my pants.

Mixed metaphors

The Three Ages of Marriage: Twenty is when you watch the TV after; Forty is when you watch the TV during; Sixty is when you watch the TV instead.

Entertainment Marriage Sex Television

Birthday: Anniversary of one’s birth, observed only by men and children.

Age Definitions

“I’d better repeat that SOS message,” said Tom remorsefully.

Tom Swifties

“It’s freezing,” Tom muttered icily.

Tom Swifties

There’s no future in time travel.

Activities Future Past Time Travel

He is so fat… I had to take a train and two buses just to get on his good side.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

“Goodbye, and thanks for the radio”, said Tom with a short wave.

Tom Swifties

Quit spitting on the handle and get to hoeing.

Expressions Work

Theres no grass burning under this project.

Mixed metaphors