Author: Anonymous Page 156

Nail our fingers to the mast

Mixed metaphors

A stitch in time saves a poke in the eye with a wet fish.

Mixed metaphors

Class Reunion: Where everyone gets together to see who is falling apart

Definitions

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

Murphy’s Laws Science/Weather

Expert: A man who is seldom in doubt, but often in error.

Definitions

“We have no oranges,” Tom said fruitlessly.

Tom Swifties

Usher: One who takes a leading part in a theatre.

Wordplay

It's like pulling hen's teeth.

Mixed metaphors

Punctuality: The art of guessing correctly how late the other party is going to be.

Definitions Time

Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.

People Women

Communist: A guy who borrows your pot to cook your goose.

Definitions

“The door’s ajar,” said Tom openly.

Tom Swifties

“I’m halfway up a mountain,” Tom alleged.

Tom Swifties

“Here’s another baseball glove”, Tom admitted.

Tom Swifties

Amen: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.

Definitions

Brute Force: When your brain doesn’t work, just keep beating on the problem until one of you dies.

Definitions

Once the horse is out of the barn, you can't put him back again.

Mixed metaphors

The beer flowed like wine.

Mixed metaphors

Even a blind hog finds an acorn now and then.

Miscellaneous

These hemorrhoids are a real pain in the neck.

Misspokements

He's going up and down like a metronome.

Malaprops