Author: Anonymous Page 156

“I swallowed some of the glass from that broken window,” Tom said painfully.

Tom Swifties

“Everything Albert says is so obvious”, said Tom altruistically.

Tom Swifties

We will burn that horse when we get there.

Mixed metaphors

“Is it true that some animals will eat their own babies?” asked Tom literately.

Tom Swifties

Clarification: To fill in the background with so many details that the foreground goes underground.

Definitions

Consciousness: The annoying time between naps.

Definitions

He’s wearing a tomahawk haircut.

Malaprops

“Has my magazine arrived?” Tom asked periodically.

Tom Swifties

Time may be a great healer, but’s it’s a lousy beautician.

Appearance Health Time

Accountant: One who uses your books to figure his profit.

Definitions Occupations

“Let’s all play an A, a C#, and an E”, cried the band with one accord.

Tom Swifties

Gentleman Farmer: One who has more hay in the bank thank in the barn.

Definitions

Philosophy: Common sense in a dress suit.

Definitions Intelligence Wisdom

Gifted Children: Unfortunate tykes who lack the good sense to hide their talents from overly ambitious parents.

Definitions Family

Judge: A lawyer who once knew a politician.

Definitions Government Law

“The insect in William’s hand is wearing a yarmulka!” said Tom jubilantly.

Tom Swifties

Is this a whole nother bucket of worms?

Mixed metaphors

“I'll have a martini,” said Tom, dryly.

Tom Swifties

It is so hot… I saw a chicken lay a fried egg.

Exaggerations Heat Science/Weather

Some people sail through life on a bed of roses like a knife slicing through butter.

Mixed metaphors

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

Characteristics Intelligence