Author: Anonymous Page 36

Childish Games: Those at which your wife beats you.

Activities Definitions Games

Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you; tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch it to be sure.

Beliefs Murphy’s Laws

The whole can of wax

Mixed metaphors

Chiropodist: A man who makes money hand over foot.

Definitions Doctors Occupations

Harpist: A plucky musician.

Definitions Entertainment Music Wordplay

Acupuncture: A jab well done.

Definitions

My husband went to Radio Shack and got some dog ears for the TV.

Malaprops Television

These felled trees are the beavers’ handiwork!

Mixed metaphors

Diamond: A woman’s idea of a stepping stone to success.

Definitions Things

Walking with your head between your legs.

Mixed metaphors

Sense Of Humor: Being able to laugh at your friends’ misfortunes.

Definitions Emotions

Philanderer: A man who considers himself too good to be true.

Definitions People Self

Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.

Marriage

“He’s a boring chap,” said Tom indulgently.

Tom Swifties

Middle Age: That period in life when your idea of getting ahead is staying even.

Age Definitions

Hanging: A suspended sentence.

Definitions

Lawsuit: A contest generally won by the party that can afford to reimburse the lawyers on both sides of the dispute.

Definitions Law Lawyers

Zircon: A diamond falsie.

Definitions

Keepsake: Something given us by someone we’ve forgotten.

Definitions Things

I used to be indecisive… but I'm not sure.

Characteristics

“I won’t tell you anything about my salivary glands,” said Tom secretively.

Tom Swifties