Author: Anonymous Page 43

War is hell on wheels.

Life: A breathing spell.

Grinning like the butcher's dog

“Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays I sleep in a wigwam; Tuesdays, Thursdays, and weekends I sleep in a teepee”, said Tom very attentively.

“Someday I’ll run the CIA,” said Tom aspiringly.

“The sun is rising,” Tom mourned.

My husband could have had any women he pleased – he just couldn't please any!

He is so stupid… it takes him an hour to cook Minute Rice.

This thing is snowballing like a house afire!

Dermatologist: Person who makes rash judgments.

Puberty: The awkward age when a child is too old to say something cute and too young to say something sensible.

When your head is in the bear's mouth, it is not the time to be smacking him on the nose.

Love: A form of self-government under a two-party system.

Etiquette: Learning to yawn with your mouth closed.

I sink, therefore I swam.

Marriage is the price men pay for sex, sex is the price women pay for marriage.

I'm not the kind of person who wears his heart up his sleeve.

“Pretend we were in the days before railways,” Tom coached.

“I hate math,” Tom added.

Crazier than a dog in a hubcap factory

Baby: Morning caller, noonday crawler, midnight bawler.