Author: Anonymous Page 43

Like other occult techniques of divination, the statistical method has a private jargon deliberately contrived to obscure its methods from nonpractitioners.

Communication Language Murphy’s Laws Science/Weather

The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

Intelligence Mind People Self

Fiddlesticks: Violin bows.

Definitions

“Another plate of seafood for me!” Tom clamored.

Tom Swifties

Automatic: If something is automatic, that simple means that you can’t repair it yourself.

Definitions Murphy’s Laws Problems

Many a man fails as an original thinker simply because his memory is too good.

Intelligence Memory Wisdom

Keyboard: The standard way to generate computer errors.

Computers Definitions Things

Mother-in-law: A woman who destroys her son-in-law’s peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.

Definitions Family

“Let’s sort this out,” Tom ordered.

Tom Swifties

Bridegroom: A man who is amazed at the outcome of what he thought was a harmless little flirtation.

Definitions

“I can’t be bothered,” said Tom carelessly.

Tom Swifties

They live in a two-storage house.

Malaprops

Hospital Bed: A parked taxi with the meter running.

Definitions

We certainly don't want to rock the apple cart.

Mixed metaphors

“Watch out for that broken glass!” she said sharply.

Tom Swifties

We're robbing Peter to pay the piper.

Mixed metaphors

He is so ugly… when he throws a boomerang it won’t come back.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

Architect: One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money.

Definitions Occupations

One hundred degrees better

Mixed metaphors

“That horse looks like a good bet at 20 to 1,” said Tom oddly.

Tom Swifties

I'm not the kind of person who wears his heart up his sleeve.

Malaprops