Author: Anonymous Page 43

War is hell on wheels.

Mixed metaphors

Life: A breathing spell.

Definitions Life

Grinning like the butcher's dog

Expressions

“Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays I sleep in a wigwam; Tuesdays, Thursdays, and weekends I sleep in a teepee”, said Tom very attentively.

Tom Swifties

“Someday I’ll run the CIA,” said Tom aspiringly.

Tom Swifties

“The sun is rising,” Tom mourned.

Tom Swifties

My husband could have had any women he pleased – he just couldn't please any!

Husbands Marriage Women

He is so stupid… it takes him an hour to cook Minute Rice.

Exaggerations Intelligence Stupidity

This thing is snowballing like a house afire!

Mixed metaphors

Dermatologist: Person who makes rash judgments.

Definitions Doctors Health

Puberty: The awkward age when a child is too old to say something cute and too young to say something sensible.

Age Definitions

When your head is in the bear's mouth, it is not the time to be smacking him on the nose.

Communication Problems

Love: A form of self-government under a two-party system.

Definitions Emotions Love

Etiquette: Learning to yawn with your mouth closed.

Definitions

I sink, therefore I swam.

Activities Communication Wordplay

Marriage is the price men pay for sex, sex is the price women pay for marriage.

Marriage Men People Sex Women

I'm not the kind of person who wears his heart up his sleeve.

Malaprops

“Pretend we were in the days before railways,” Tom coached.

Tom Swifties

“I hate math,” Tom added.

Tom Swifties

Crazier than a dog in a hubcap factory

Expressions

Baby: Morning caller, noonday crawler, midnight bawler.

Children Definitions Family