Author: Anonymous Page 56

Fish: An animal that grows fastest between the time it is caught and the time a fisherman describes it to his friends.

Activities Animals Definitions

There's a pot of gold at the end of the tunnel.

Mixed metaphors

“I can see through the window,” said Tom stiltedly.

Tom Swifties

April 1: The day we are reminded of what we are the other 364.

Definitions Fools Intelligence

If you don't want someone to get your goat, don't let them know where it's tied.

Expressions

If you don't like my opinion of you – improve yourself!

Beliefs Insults Opinion

It’s time to step up to the plate and lay your cards on the table.

Mixed metaphors

When a guy goes to a hooker, he's not paying her for sex, he's paying her to leave.

People Sex

Rattle some feathers.

Mixed metaphors

There is no indigestion worse that that which comes from having to eat your own words.

Communication

Most anybody can be a cowboy, but it takes a damn genius to make money at it.

Money Occupations Work

Accident: A thing that is caused by people, but often causes people.

Accidents Definitions Problems

You buttered your bread, now sleep in it!

Mixed metaphors

Rattle some feathers.

Mixed metaphors

Adolescents: People who never seem to realize that one day they will be as dumb as their parents.

Age Definitions

Egotist: A conceited ass who thinks he knows as much as you do.

Definitions Intelligence People Self

No Exit: A sign indicating the most convenient way out of a building.

Definitions

“Emily has put on weight,” said Tom emphatically.

Tom Swifties

She's tall enough to go duck huntin' with a rake.

Appearance Body Expressions

Talk about rubbing salt in the fire!

Mixed metaphors

Unimpeachable Source: The guy that started the rumor in the first place.

Definitions