Author: Anonymous Page 56

Shoplifter: A person with a gift of grab.

Conflict Crime Definitions

“I manufacture tabletops for shops,” said Tom counterproductively.

Tom Swifties

Tears: A good-bye product.

Definitions

The cost of the hairdo is directly related to the strength of the wind.

Appearance Hair Murphy’s Laws

Too many people are ready to carry the stool when the piano needs to be moved.

Work

She looked at me like a cow looking at a new gate.

Appearance Characteristics Expressions Intelligence

Desk: A dangerous place from which to view the world.

Definitions

Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary!

People

Democracy is mob rule, but with income taxes.

Democracy Government Taxes

Banquet: A fifty-cent dinner served in sufficient quantity to enable a caterer to charge twenty dollars for it.

Definitions Food/Drink

Quiet: A state of household serenity which occurs before the birth of the first child and occurs again after the last child has left for college.

Children Definitions Family

If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?

Situations

“I compliment the company that makes the Macintosh computer,” said Tom applauding.

Tom Swifties

You’re the sort of person Dr. Spooner would have called a shining wit!

Insults

“Life isn’t fair,” said Tom darkly.

Tom Swifties

I’d like to be sitting in his shoes.

Mixed metaphors

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

Arms Situations Things

I want to see you go to town like a house of fire.

Mixed metaphors

Neighbors: The only people who listen to both sides of an argument.

Definitions People

Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.

People Women

Philanthropist: One who gives away what he should give back.

Definitions