Author: Mark Twain Page 8

It is best to read the weather forecast before we pray for rain.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Communication Intelligence Science/Weather

I thoroughly disapprove of duels; if a man would challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Conflict

Optimist: Person who travels on nothing from nowhere to happiness.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics Emotions Happiness

Adam did not want the apple for the apple's sake; he wanted it because it was forbidden.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics

Adam and Eve had many advantages, but the principal one was that they escaped teething.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
People

Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Conflict Fights

Such is the human race, often it seems a pity that Noah didn't miss the boat.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
People

When you cannot get a compliment any other way pay yourself one.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics People Self

Water, taken in moderation, cannot hurt anybody.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Alcohol Food/Drink

I find that the further I go back, the better things were, whether they happened or not.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics Past Situations Truth

I am pushing sixty… that is enough exercise for me.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Activities Age Exercise

Had double chins all the way down to his stomach.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Appearance Body Fat Insults

Clothes make the man; naked people have little or no influence on society.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Appearance Clothing

An enemy can partly ruin a man, but it takes a good-natured injudicious friend to complete the thing and make it perfect.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Friends People Relationships

My books are water; those of the great geniuses are wine… (Fortunately) everybody drinks water.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Books Communication Self

To create man was a fine and original idea; but to add the sheep was a tautology.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs People

New Year's Day… now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions; next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Situations Time

Lettin’ the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier’n puttin’ it back.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Animals Cats Characteristics

Eat a live frog first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Proverbs Situations

Few things are more irritating than when someone who is wrong is also very effective in making his point.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs Communication Opinion

It’s easier to fool people than to convince them they’ve been fooled.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs Honesty