Random One-Liners

Yeah, she's beautiful, but you can't find her IQ with a flashlight.

Appearance Body Insults Intelligence

Deliberation: The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

Call them pros, call them mercenaries – but in fact they are just grown-up kids who have learned on the frozen creek or flooded corner lot that hockey is the greatest thrill of all.

Canadian hockey player
Hockey Sports

If I see something sagging, bagging, and dragging, I’m going to nip, tuck it, and suck it.

(1946 – ) singer, songwriter, author & actress
Appearance Body

Cabbage Startles Solicitors

Headlines

If you dance with a grizzly bear, you had better let him lead.

Murphy’s Laws

Guest towel: A small square of non-absorbent fabric surrounded by waterproof embroidery.

Definitions Things

Quit your procrasterbating and go talk to him.

Malaprops

Never advise anyone to go to war or to marry.

Marriage Proverbs War

Light heavyweight

Oxymorons

Fair to middlin’

Miscellaneous

That slow motion doesn't show how fast the ball was traveling.

Australian cricketer & commentator
Misspokements Sports

A doctor’s reputation is made by the number of eminent men who die under his care.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Death Doctors Health

America is a country where half the money is spent buying food, and the other half is spent trying to lose weight.

America Food/Drink Places

At eighty-eight how do you feel when getting up in the morning? … Amazed!

(1881 – 1973) German economist
Age Old

Child's Death Ruins Couple's Holiday

Headlines

I was three over, one over a house, one over a patio, and one over a swimming pool.

(1953 – ) American baseball player
Golf Sports

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors – eat out.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Eating Food/Drink

Dodge Says Probe Puts Him in Awkward Position

Headlines

Man was predestined to have free will.

Miscellaneous

I try not to break the rules but merely to test their elasticity.

(1914 – 1986) American baseball team owner & promoter
Characteristics Honesty