Subject: Appearance

I refuse to think of them as chin hairs… I think of them as stray eyebrows.

(1953 – ) American comic, television producer & writer

He looked like something that had gotten loose from Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.

(1888 – 1964) comedian & actor

She has a wash and wear bridal gown.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian

It's hard having a big nose… all my pullover shirts have stretch marks.

comedian

Strip Teaser: One who makes a bare living.

Her mouth looks like a jaybird’s ass in pokeberry time.

It’s easy to tell when you’ve got a bargain – it doesn’t fit.

Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy.

(1879 – 1955) German-born physicist

A man's face is his autobiography; a woman's face is her work of fiction.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet

Claire: Your hair looks good, the curls work. Why don’t you get a perm?
Rose Morgan: I tried that once, I looked like Shirley Temple on crack.

(1942 – ) American singer-songwriter, actress, writer, film producer & director

He has turned almost alarmingly blond – he's gone past platinum, he must be plutonium; his hair is coordinated with his teeth.

(1919 – 2001) American film critic

My girlfriend looks a little like Charlize Theron… and a lot like Dog the Bounty Hunter.

(1969 – ) comedian & actor

Beyond the hair, tattoos and earrings, he's just like you and me.

(1948 – ) basketball coach

If you ever thought you were ugly, Los Angeles is the place to come and find out you were right.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor

She's all done up like a well-kept grave.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

My belt holds my pants up, but the belt loops hold my belt up; so which one's the real hero?

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one’s hat keeps blowing off.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

I always take blushing either for a sign of guilt, or of ill breeding.

(1670 – 1729) English playwright & poet

That baby's cuter than a speckled pup in a red wagon.

The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

But he was the worst dresser in organized baseball; he made Inspector Clouseau look like a candidate for Mr. Blackwell's list of best-dressed men.

American baseball pitcher