Subject: Education » School

I quit school in the sixth grade because of pneumonia; not because I had it, but because I couldn’t spell it.


(1919 – 1990) American boxing champion

 I want a school my football team can be proud of.

(1905 – 1998) botanist, author & University of Oklahoma president

My recipe for bad grades: don't study.

(1964 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & voice actor

If you were forced to read the book in high school, you’ll probably hate the movie too.

University: A college with a stadium seating more than sixty thousand.

College: A four-year period when parents are permitted access to the telephone.

In the school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of gravity and he threw the teacher out of the window.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

When I was recruited at Auburn, they took me to a strip joint; when I saw those titties on Buffy, I knew that Auburn met my academic requirements.

(1963 – ) American professional basketball player & sports personality

The hardest thing to do at a community college is cheat on a test because the only people you can cheat off of also go to a community college.

American stand-up comedian

After I failed my second test, I grabbed my teacher by the front of the shirt and said “Are you ‘trying’ to keep this shit a secret?”

(1948 – ) stand-up comedian, actor, author & playwright

You might be a redneck if… you refer to the fifth grade as “my senior year.”

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian

1. The more general the title of a course, the less you will learn from it. 2. The more specific a title is, the less you will be able to apply it.

You might be a redneck if… your during your senior year you and your mother had homeroom together.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

If written directions alone would suffice, libraries wouldn't need to have the rest of the universities attached.

(1938 – ) journalist, columnist (Miss Manners)

Absolute Zero: The lowest grade attainable on a test.

If you're confident after you've just finished an exam, it's because you don't know enough to know better.

A statesman is any politician it’s considered safe to name a school after.

(1915 – 1977) columnist, writer & actor

The more studying you did for the exam, the less sure you are as to which answer they want.

Doctors bury their mistakes, but mine are still on scholarship.

(1922 – 2002) American college basketball coach

Our school color was manila.

comedian
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