Subject: Education » School

80% of the final exam will be based on the one lecture you missed and the one book you didn't read.

Sex doesn’t have to be taught; it’s something most of us are born with.

(1927 – 1997) Am. comedian & satirist notable for mock presidential campaign

In public school my daughter was voted most likely to conceive.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

Interviewer: Auburn is a pretty good school. To graduate from there I suppose you really need to work hard and put forth maximum effort.

(1963 – ) American professional basketball player & sports personality

Graduation speeches were invented largely in the belief that college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated.

(1948 – ) American cartoonist (Doonesbury)

Christ, seven years of college, down the drain.

(1949 – 1982) American comedian, actor & musician

Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything one learned in school.

(1879 – 1955) German-born physicist

In the school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of gravity and he threw the teacher out of the window.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

Don’t marry a man to reform him; that’s what reform schools are for.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol

Colleges are like old-age homes, except for the fact that more people die in colleges.

(1941 – ) American singer & songwriter

My father wanted me to have all the educational opportunities he never had… so he sent me to a girls school.

(1975 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host

If you were forced to read the book in high school, you’ll probably hate the movie too.

We all learn by experience, but some of us have to go to summer school.

(1910 – 1993) editor & novelist

If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.

A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. – unfortunately, they don’t have a J.O.B.

(1928 – ) American R&B and rock & roll singer-songwriter

I stopped telling people I didn't attend college when it suddenly dawned on me that no one was particularly surprised.

(1932 – ) American political satirist & comedian

We are shut up in schools and college recitation rooms for ten or fifteen years, and come out at last with a bellyful of words and do not know a thing.

(1803 – 1882) essayist, poet, & philosopher

Son, looks to me like you’re spending too much time on one subject.

college basketball coach

Absolute Zero: The lowest grade attainable on a test.

Lecture: A process by which the notes of the professor become the notes of the student, without passing through the minds of either.

A diploma only proves that you know how to look up an answer.

David Gerrold (1944 – ) science fiction author

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