Subject: Education » School

If you were forced to read the book in high school, you’ll probably hate the movie too.

The hardest thing to do at a community college is cheat on a test because the only people you can cheat off of also go to a community college.

American stand-up comedian

University: A modern school where football is taught.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country.

(1922 – 2007) American novelist

A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. – unfortunately, they don’t have a J.O.B.

(1928 – ) American R&B and rock & roll singer-songwriter

I never graduated from Iowa. I was only there for two terms – Truman's and Eisenhower's.

(1935 – 2012) American football player, sports announcer & actor

A statesman is any politician it’s considered safe to name a school after.

(1915 – 1977) columnist, writer & actor

All I know is, as long as I led the Southeastern Conference in scoring, my grades would be fine.

(1963 – ) American professional basketball player & sports personality

Bachelor's degrees make pretty good placemats if you get 'em laminated.

(1980 – ) cartoonist

She was old too, when she went to school they didn’t have history.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

I was thinkin' maybe we should just bomb ourselves so we could upgrade our school system.

(1961 – ) comedian, writer, radio & television personality & blogger

In school, every period ends with a bell… every sentence ends with a period… every crime ends with a sentence.

You might be a redneck if… your during your senior year you and your mother had homeroom together.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian

Class schedules are designed so that every student will have time to waste between classes.

Absolute Zero: The lowest grade attainable on a test.

University: A college with a stadium seating more than sixty thousand.

After I failed my second test, I grabbed my teacher by the front of the shirt and said “Are you ‘trying’ to keep this shit a secret?”

(1948 – ) stand-up comedian, actor, author & playwright

I was thrown out of NYU my freshman year for cheating on my metaphysics final; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

Never let your studies interfere with your education.

[Coedness] is like a radical agenda forced on college students.

(1969 – ) U.S. Representative (Delaware)