Subject: Education » School

Pocket calculator batteries that have lasted all semester will fail during the math final.

Colleges are like old-age homes, except for the fact that more people die in colleges.

(1941 – ) American singer & songwriter

In public school my daughter was voted most likely to conceive.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

Hedda Hopper: How do you know so much about men?

West: Baby, I went to night school.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol

I failed math so many times in school, I can’t even count.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

Interviewer: Auburn is a pretty good school. To graduate from there I suppose you really need to work hard and put forth maximum effort.

(1963 – ) American professional basketball player & sports personality

I had a terrible education… I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian

If you're confident after you've just finished an exam, it's because you don't know enough to know better.

I took a physics course that was so hard I couldn't find the classroom.


The philosophy exam was a piece of cake… which was a bit of a surprise, actually, because I was expecting some questions on a sheet of paper.

My father wanted me to have all the educational opportunities he never had… so he sent me to a girls school.

(1975 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host

In school, every period ends with a bell… every sentence ends with a period… every crime ends with a sentence.

After I failed my second test, I grabbed my teacher by the front of the shirt and said “Are you ‘trying’ to keep this shit a secret?”

(1948 – ) stand-up comedian, actor, author & playwright

When I was in college, we did mushrooms and acid… and did I mention acid?

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.

Everywhere I go I’m asked if I think the university stifles writers; my opinion is that they don’t stifle enough of them.

You might be a redneck if… your school fight song is Dueling Banjos.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book.

Son, looks to me like you’re spending too much time on one subject.

college basketball coach

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