Subject: Education » School

My recipe for bad grades: don't study.

(1964 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & voice actor
Education School

Bachelor's degrees make pretty good placemats if you get 'em laminated.

(1980 – ) cartoonist
Education School Things

Son, looks to me like you’re spending too much time on one subject.

college basketball coach
Education School Sports

Doctors bury their mistakes, but mine are still on scholarship.

(1922 – 2002) American college basketball coach
Doctors School

I took a physics course that was so hard I couldn't find the classroom.

comedian
Education School Science/Weather

Everywhere I go I’m asked if I think the university stifles writers; my opinion is that they don’t stifle enough of them.


Communication Education Reading/Writing School

I had a terrible education… I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Education School

Don’t marry a man to reform him; that’s what reform schools are for.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Marriage Men School

When I went to college, my parents threw a going away party for me, according to the letter.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Family Parents Reading/Writing School

If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.

Education Intelligence Money Murphy’s Laws School Stupidity

Absolute Zero: The lowest grade attainable on a test.

Definitions Education School

They put me in Special Ed because they thought I was slow, but I stayed in Special Ed for the ladies.

(1974 – ) Russian-born American comedian, writer & filmmaker
Education Girls Intelligence People School

College: A four-year period when parents are permitted access to the telephone.

Definitions Education School

A prerequisite for a desired course will be offered only during the following semester.

Education Murphy’s Laws School

Hedda Hopper: How do you know so much about men?

West: Baby, I went to night school.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Education Men People School

If you are given a take-home exam, you will forget where you live.

Education Murphy’s Laws Places School

Sex doesn’t have to be taught; it’s something most of us are born with.

(1927 – 1997) Am. comedian & satirist notable for mock presidential campaign
School Sex

When I was in college, we did mushrooms and acid… and did I mention acid?

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Activities Drugs School

Christ, seven years of college, down the drain.

(1949 – 1982) American comedian, actor & musician
Education School TV/Movie Quotes

A diploma only proves that you know how to look up an answer.

David Gerrold (1944 – ) science fiction author
Education School

He reminds me of the kid in fifth grade who reminded the teacher she forgot to give the homework.

writer & comedian
People School