Subject: Work

Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

Astronomer: Night watchman.

His insomnia was so bad, he couldn't sleep during office hours.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist

I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted pay checks.

He’s so lazy he wouldn’t work in a pie factory.

Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous; when I was sixty-five, I still had pimples.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer

Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist

Early to bed, early to rise, work like hell, and advertise.

(1919 – 1990) educator & writer

Work is the curse of the drinking classes.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet

There's no business like show business… but there are several businesses like accounting.

(1947 – ) comedian & television host

Taxpayer: One who doesn’t have to pass a civil service exam to work for the government.

It’s not the work that keeps most people from doing volunteer work, it’s the pay!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Executive Ability: The art of getting the credit for all the hard work that somebody else does.

The pollen count, now that’s a difficult job… especially if you’ve got hay fever

(1964 – ) English comedian

Every good idea sooner or later degenerates into hard work.

(1935 – ) columnist, journalist & novelist

Here's a thought for sweat shop owners: air conditioning… problem solved.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

Archaeologist: A person whose career lies in ruins.

Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

A professional is one who does a good job even when he doesn't feel like it.

I manufactured clown shoes… which was no small feat.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist