Quotes and One Liners
humorous quotations, expressions, proverbs, headlines & more
Some Popular Authors
Alfred E. Neuman
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The accessibility, during recovery of small parts which fall from the work bench, varies directly with the size of the part and inversely with its importance to the completion of the work underway.
Spare Parts Principle
The one who does the least work will get the most credit.
Shapiro's Law of Reward
If work were good for you, the rich would leave none for the poor.
I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.
(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Retire? … I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the only one left.
(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Only a fool can reproduce another fool’s work.
It (a cubicle) basically says, like, 'You know what?… we don't think you're smart enough for an office, but we don't want you to look at anybody.'
(1968 – ) American stand-up comedian
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
(1872 – 1970) British philosopher, mathematician, historian & social critic
The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off.
(1922 – 2002) American college basketball coach
Simple jobs always get put off because there will be time to do them later.
Clergyman: A ticket speculator outside the gates of Heaven.
In a surplus labor economy, the squeaking wheel does not get the grease; it gets replaced.
An actuary is someone who brings a fake bomb on a plane because that decreases the chances that there will be another bomb on the plane.
Dr. Laurence J. Peter
(1919 – 1990) educator & writer
… there are three sexes – men, women, and clergymen.
Reverend Sydney Smith
(1771 – 1845) English writer & Anglican clergyman
I've been temping at the job that laid me off, and that's awkward because everybody knows I got canned, and they think I've come back to shoot them.
stand-up comedian & writer
Tailor: An occupation that suits everyone.
Enough research will tend to support your theory.
Law of Research
An actor is the kind of guy who, if you ain't talking about him, ain't listening.
(1910 – 1984) American film producer & publicist
A good farmer is nothing more nor less than a handy man with a sense of humus.
(1899 – 1985) US author & humorist
I live in a two-income household… but who knows how long my mom can keep that up.
Jewish-American stand-up comedian & writer
Businessman: One who talks golf all morning at the office, and business all afternoon on the links.
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