Subject: Work

I used to have a job as a pantomime horse, but quit while I was a head.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

If I told you I’ve worked hard to get where I’m at, I’d be lying, because I have no idea where I am right now.

(1982 – ) American author

Diplomat: A headwaiter who is allowed to sit down occasionally. 

(1921 – 2004) English actor & author

The first mistake in public business is going into it.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor

Editor: a person employed by a newspaper, whose business it is to separate the wheat from the chaff, and to see that the chaff is printed.

(1856 – 1915) writer, publisher, artist & philosopher

Clergyman: A man who undertakes the management of our spiritual affairs as a method of bettering his temporal ones.

Taxi Driver: Worker who earns a living by driving customers away.

If a job's worth doing, it's too hard.

(1957 – ) cartoonist (Dilbert)

Politicians are wonderful people as long as they stay away from things they don't understand, such as working for a living.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist

People who work putting shoes on fat women who wear dresses should not have 20/20 vision.

(1946 – ) American actor

When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: 'whose?'

Nothing motivates a man more than to see his boss putting in an honest day’s work.

Housekeeping ain't no joke.

(1832 – 1888) novelist

There's no real need to do housework – after four years it doesn't get any worse.

(1908 – 1999) English writer

I was a trampoline salesman… off and on.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

History repeats itself; historians repeat each other.

(1889 – 1944) English historian

If there's anything a public servant hates to do it's something for the public.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist

You know it’s time to do the laundry when you dry off with a sneaker.

(1969 – ) comedian & actor

Cosmologists are often in error, but never in doubt.

(1908 – 1968) Soviet physicist

Unemployment: The usual alternative to overwork.

Big business never pays a nickel in taxes, according to Ralph Nader, who represents a big consumer organization that never pays a nickel in taxes.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
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