Subject: Work

Psychiatry is a waste of good couches; why should I make a psychiatrist laugh, and then pay him?

(1958 – ) Australian author

Anyone who is capable of getting themselves into a position of power should on no account be allowed to do the job.

(1952 – 2001) English writer, dramatist, & musician

If a man smiles all the time he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Doing nothing is very hard to do… you never know when you're finished.

(1926 – 2010) Canadian actor

There’s no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

The ideal resume will turn up one day after the position is filled.

Meetings are a great trap; however, they are indispensable when you don’t want to do anything.

(1908 – 2006) Canadian-American economist

For [my husband], getting out of bed in the morning is a career move.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress

History repeats itself; historians repeat each other.

(1889 – 1944) English historian

A high paying rush job comes in only after you've committed to a low paying rush job.

I was in a restaurant that had a sign that said 'Restrooms For Customers Only'… I thought, it must suck to work there.

(1973 – ) American comedian

Most bosses never lift a finger at work, unless it’s to point out something you did wrong.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Lawyers are operators of the toll bridge which anyone in search of justice must pass.

(1939 – ) American financial journalist

I’ve been temping at the job that laid me off, and that’s awkward because everybody knows I got canned, and they think I’ve come back to shoot them.

stand-up comedian & writer

Bus Driver: A person who tells people where to get off.

Some accountants are comedians, but comedians are never accountants.

(1929 – 2001) English barrister

You know you're getting old when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

Plumber: A drain surgeon.

The three toughest jobs in the world are: President of the United States, mayor of New York, and head football coach at Notre Dame.

(1931 – 2012) American college football historian & television commentator

All I do is hit somebody in the mouth; it's a whole lot easier than working for a living.

(1950 – ) American boxer & actor

Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
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