Subject: Activities (Page 7)

Multitasking: Messing up several chores at the same time.

Activities Definitions

Sleep is death without the responsibility.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Activities Sleep

Sex without love is merely healthy exercise.

(1907 – 1988) science fiction author
Emotions Exercise Love Sex

The first bug to hit a clean windshield lands directly in front of your eyes.

Autos Driving Murphy’s Laws Things

If you ask your husband to pick up five items at the store and then you add one more as an afterthought, he will forget two of the first five.

Husbands Murphy’s Laws Shopping Wives

My theory on housework is, if the item doesn’t multiply, smell, catch on fire or block the refrigerator door, let it be; no one cares, why should you?

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Activities Housework

Meetings are an addictive, highly self-indulgent activity that corporations and other large organizations habitually engage in only because they cannot actually masturbate.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Activities People Sex

I go from stool to stool in singles bars hoping to get lucky, but there's never any gum under any of them.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Activities

I sink, therefore I swam.

Activities Communication Wordplay

Underwater Swimmer: One who practices submersive activitites.

Activities Definitions

My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as soon as possible.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Activities Games

I joined Gamblers Anonymous; they gave me 2 to 1 I wouldn't make it!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Activities

He travels fastest who travels alone… but he hasn’t anything to do when he gets there.

Activities Murphy’s Laws Travel

If you can’t sleep, count sheep. Don’t count endangered animals. You will run out.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Activities Animals Sleep

Don't cook… don’t clean; no man will ever make love to a woman because she waxed the linoleum

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Activities Housework Sex

A mediocre player will sink to the level of his or her opposition.

Games Murphy’s Laws Sports

Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.

(1917 – 1993) British composer & novelist
Emotions Happiness Laughter Situations Sleep

I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Housework Work

A vacation is having nothing to do and all day to do it in.

(1927 – ) magician & comedy writer
Activities

The faster the plane, the narrower the seats.

Activities Murphy’s Laws Travel

You might be a redneck if… you see a sign that says "Say No To Crack" and it reminds you to pull your jeans up.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Body Drugs People Rednecks