Subject: Activities (Page 7)

The time to enjoy a European tour is about three weeks after you unpack.

(1672 – 1719) English essasyist, poet & politician
Activities Places Travel

You can't expect to hit the jackpot if you don't put a few nickels in the machine.

(1933 – 1998) comedian & actor
Activities

The only time a woman has a true orgasm is when she’s shopping.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Activities Shopping

The traveller sees what he sees; the tourist sees what he has come to see.

(1874 – 1936) English author & mystery novelist
Activities Travel

Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Activities Work

People will buy anything that's one to a customer.

Murphy’s Laws Shopping

The faster the plane, the narrower the seats.

Activities Murphy’s Laws Travel

Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising… it was the only exercise I got.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Activities Alcohol Exercise Food/Drink Health

I smoke like a 5-alarm fire.

(1884 – 1933) American saloon keeper, actress & entrepreneur
Activities

A dame that knows the ropes isn't likely to get tied up.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Activities Sex

The shortest route has the steepest hills.

Activities Murphy’s Laws

The amount of sleep needed by the average person is five minutes more.

typographer
Activities Situations Sleep Time

Sleep… the most beautiful experience in life – except drink.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Food/Drink Situations Sleep

The boomarang is Australia’s chief export (and then import.)

(1973 – ) American comedian
Activities Games Places

Never give a party if you will be the most interesting person there.

American film & television producer
Activities People

The only difference between group sex and group therapy is that in group therapy you hear about everyone's problems and in group sex you see them.

(1953 – ) comedian, political commentator and television & radio personality
Activities Sex

I'm not embarrassed going to a drug store anymore to buy a condom; although, the woman behind the counter said, 'Save your money; buy a lottery ticket.'

(1955 – ) American stand-up comedian
Shopping Situations

His insomnia was so bad, he couldn't sleep during office hours.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Situations Sleep Work

There’s such a buildup of crud in my oven, there’s only room to bake a single cupcake.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Activities Housework

A vacation frequently means that the family goes away for a rest, accompanied by mother, who sees that the others get it.

writer
Activities Family Mothers

First of all, if you are gambling and you've gotta get change for a nickel – it's over.

comedian
Activities Money