Subject: Appearance (Page 13)

Falsies: A hope chest.

Body Clothing Definitions

Elizabeth Taylor's so fat she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance Body Fat Insults

A woman is as young as her knees.

(1934 – ) British fashion designer
Age Appearance Body Women

1. Fat expands to fill any apparel worn.
2. A fat person walks in the middle of the hall.

Appearance Body Fat Murphy’s Laws

You might be a redneck if… your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Clothing People Rednecks

Her hat is a creation that will never go out of style; it will just look ridiculous year after year.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Appearance Clothing

If someone told him to haul ass he'd have to make six trips.

Appearance Body Expressions Fat

Strip Teaser: One who makes a bare living.

Body Definitions Occupations

I once walked in on my grandparents making love… and that’s why I don’t eat raisins.

(1969 – ) comedian & actor
Appearance Sex Situations

I was six foot one inch when I started fighting, but with all the uppercuts I'm up to six foot five inches.

American boxer
Appearance Boxing Sports

If you have to release bad news to the public, it would help if you are not ugly.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Appearance Ugly

I was the centerfold for Playgirl magazine… the staples covered everything!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Body People Self

He looks like a dwarf who’s been dipped in a bucket of pubic hair.

George Alan O'Dowd (1961 – ) British singer-songwriter
Appearance Insults

He looked like a half-melted rubber bulldog.

(1925 – ) American author and literary, theater & film critic
Appearance Insults

Wearing a turtleneck is like getting strangled by a really weak guy all day.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Appearance Clothing People

I'm kinda stuck in that awkward in-between stage where my hair is just starting to fall out, but I'm still maintaining my youthful acne.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian, television writer/producer & radio host
Age Appearance Body

If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near forty.

(1965 – ) comedian, actor, screenwriter, television producer & director
Age Appearance People Women

Nowadays, a balanced diet is when every McNugget weighs the same!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Appearance Body Fat

Curve: The loveliest distance between two points.

Appearance Body Definitions

A bird in the hand makes blowing your nose difficult.

David Gerrold (1944 – ) science fiction author
Animals Appearance Situations Things

We have lived through the era when happiness was a warm puppy, and the era when happiness was a dry martini, and now we have come to the era when happiness is "knowing what your uterus looks like.”

(1941 – 2012) American novelist, producer, screenwriter & director
Appearance Body People Women