Subject: Appearance (Page 21)

Ah yes, she's a fine figure of a woman, isn't she? … a handsome lass if there ever was one – and exceptionally well-preserved too.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Appearance Body

Accident: A condition in which presence of mind is good, but absence of body is better.

Accidents Body Mind Problems

I think one reason they cal them Relaxed Fit jeans is that Ass the Size of Texas jeans would not sell very well.

Appearance Clothing

My face looks like a wedding cake left out in the rain.


(1907 – 1973) poet & critic
Appearance Body People Self

I speak two languages, Body and English.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Body Communication Language

I have to work out like a tri-athlete just to maintain chubby.

comedian
Appearance Body Exercise Fat

You know your girlfriend is getting fat when she can fit into your wife's clothes.

(1964 – ) American stand-up comedian
Appearance Body Fat Marriage

That top has paid off in free drinks 10 times what I originally paid for it.

(1985 – ) American actress
Clothing TV/Movie Quotes

I'm in terrible shape… I need a nap after I fart.

(1965 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host
Appearance Body

They used to shoot her through gauze; you should shoot me through linoleum.

(1903 – 1968) movie actress
Appearance People Self

I don’t plan to grow old gracefully; I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Age Appearance Body Old

Friendship is not possible between two women, one of whom is very well dressed.

(1944 – 1992) American author
Appearance Clothing Friends People Women

Merely because the group is in formation does not mean that the group is on the right course.

Appearance Murphy’s Laws

I'd hire her to haunt a house!

Appearance Miscellaneous Ugly

Never trust a man with short legs… his brain's too near his bottom.

(1899 – 1973) English playwright, actor, composer, director & songwriter
Appearance Body Intelligence

If it weren't for my Adam's apple, I'd have no shape at all.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Appearance Body Self

Cockroaches and socialites are the only things that can stay up all night and eat anything.

(1916 – 1997) newspaper journalist
Appearance Body Fat

I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Body

My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast; turned out to be a trick knee.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Body Health Relationships

A skirt is no obstacle to extemporaneous sex, but it is physically impossible to make love to a girl while she is wearing trousers.

(1907 – 1982) American journalist, editor & author
Appearance Clothing Sex

For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Body People Self