Subject: Appearance (Page 34)

Fat is lost last where it is wanted the least. Corollary 1: Fat is lost first from areas of high desirability.
Corollary 2: With time fat flows from areas of high to low desirability.

Appearance Body Fat Murphy’s Laws

Those hot pants of hers were so damned tight, I could hardly breathe.

(1924 – 1992) English comedian & actor
Appearance Body Situations

We have lived through the era when happiness was a warm puppy, and the era when happiness was a dry martini, and now we have come to the era when happiness is "knowing what your uterus looks like.”

(1941 – 2012) American novelist, producer, screenwriter & director
Appearance Body People Women

She is so fat… the police told her to break it up.

Appearance Exaggerations Fat

You might be a redneck if… you see a sign that says "Say No To Crack" and it reminds you to pull your jeans up.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Body Drugs People Rednecks

Ugly as stump full of spiders.

Appearance Expressions Ugly

Elly has more curves than a goat-path.

(1908 – 2003) American actor & dancer
Appearance Body TV/Movie Quotes

The coffee has burned my face! I'm going to be distorted!

Appearance Malaprops

Bikini: Baiting Suit.

Clothing Definitions

I saw a transvestite wearing a T-shirt that said “Guess.”

(1973 – ) American comedian
Appearance Clothing

She had a face lift, tummy lift, and buttock lift, and now she's two feet off the ground.

comedian
Appearance Body

I met this cowboy with a brown paper hat, paper waistcoat and paper trousers… he was wanted for rustling.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor
Appearance Clothing Situations

I love that black dress; that neckline is plunging faster than Aretha Franklin’s head into a bucket of fried chicken.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance Fat Insults

If brains were all that important in a beauty contest, you could enter wearing a Hefty Bag.

(1946 – 1994) writer & humorist
Appearance Body Intelligence

His head is so big… he has to step into his shirts.

Appearance Body Exaggerations

You can put a coat and tie on a goat, and it’s still a goat.

Animals Appearance Proverbs

A wino asked me for change… I gave him my shirt.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Appearance Clothing Money

Elizabeth Taylor looks like two small boys fighting underneath a thick blanket.

Richard Blackwell (1922 – 2008) fashion critic, journalist, & designer
Appearance Insults

Rando: Nice wig, Janice. What’s it made of?
Janis: Your mom’s chest hair!

(1982 – ) American actress & model
Appearance Hair TV/Movie Quotes

He must have had a magnificent build before his stomach went in for a career of its own.

(1910 – 1997) American writer
Appearance Body Fat Insults

Reporter: What do you call that hairstyle you’re wearing?

Harrison Arthur.

(1943 – 2001) English musician, singer & songwriter
Appearance Hair