Subject: Appearance (Page 34)

She is so fat… when she sits around the house, she sits around the house.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

A four-hundred-dollar suit on him would look like socks on a rooster.

(1895 – 1960) American politician
Appearance Clothing Insults

Reform: To gain or lose weight.

Appearance Body Definitions

Nothing wise was ever printed upon an apron.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Appearance Clothing Intelligence Wisdom

Englishwomen's shoes look as if they had been made by someone who had often heard shoes described, but had never seen any.

(1910 – 1997) American writer
Appearance Clothing England Insults Places

I model irregular clothing.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comic
Appearance Clothing

I always wanted to get into politics, but I was never light enough to make the team.

(1925 – 2007) humorist & columnist
Fat Government Politics

The last time a straight man worked in the fashion industry, we got a fanny pack.

(1975 – ) American stand-up comedian, television host, actress, & author
Appearance Clothing People

I saw what’s going on under my chin; I don’t want to be the one the president has to pardon on Thanksgiving.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance People Self

If God had intended us to go around naked, He would have made us that way.

Appearance Beliefs Clothing God

Common looking people are the best in the world: that is the reason the Lord makes so many of them.

(1809 – 1865) 16th U.S. president
Appearance People

Diaphragm: A muscular partition separating disorders of the chest from disorders of the bowels.

Body Definitions Health

If you're going to dedicate your career to ranting about the excesses of American capitalism, you probably shouldn't weigh 450 pounds.

(1965 – 2010) American stand-up comedian & television personality
Appearance Body Fat

Actually, it only seems as though you mustn't be deceived by appearances.

Appearance Characteristics Murphy’s Laws

A triumph of the embalmer's art.

(1925 – 2012) author, playwright, essayist & screenwriter
Appearance Insults

If you told her to haul butt, she would have to make two trips.

Appearance Body Expressions Fat

Middle age: When a woman’s hair starts turning from gray to black.

Age Appearance Definitions Hair

Belly: The veranda over the toy shop.

Appearance Body Definitions

The only person who ever left the Iron Curtain wearing it.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Clothing Insults

I would say the world's in terrible shape, but I'm afraid the world would say, 'Look who's talking!'

(1943 – 1974) American singer (Mamas & Papas)
Appearance Body Fat People Places Self World

Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they’ve got nothing to lose.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Appearance Conflict Fights Individuals People Ugly