Subject: Appearance (Page 34)

Probably the worst thing you can hear when you’re wearing a bikini is “Good for you!”


Appearance Body Clothing

A dress that zips up the back will bring a husband and wife together.

(1925 – 2010) American humorist & writer
Appearance Clothing Marriage

She looks like she combs her hair with an eggbeater.

(1881 – 1972) American gossip columnist
Appearance Insults

I told my wife that there was a chance that radiation might hurt my reproductive organs, but she said in her opinion it’s a small price to pay.

(1925 – 2005) television host
Appearance Body

You might be a redneck if… you wear someone else's work shirt.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Appearance Clothing People Rednecks

A man's face is his autobiography; a woman's face is her work of fiction.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Appearance Men People Women

Never trust a man who combs his hair straight from his left armpit.

(1884 – 1980) author & wit
Appearance Hair Insults

She would be like Richard Wagner if only she looked a bit more feminine.

(1892-1969) English poet & writer
Appearance Insults

I was walking down the street, something caught my eye – and dragged it fifteen feet.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Body Places Situations

She looked as though butter wouldn't melt in her mouth – or anywhere else.

(1902 – 1986) English-American actress
Appearance Insults

Looks like he’s been sortin’ wildcats.

Appearance Expressions

If it weren't for my Adam's apple, I'd have no shape at all.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Appearance Body Self

A tall, thin, spectacled man with the face of a harassed rat.

writer
Appearance Insults

He looks like a dwarf who’s been dipped in a bucket of pubic hair.

George Alan O'Dowd (1961 – ) British singer-songwriter
Appearance Insults

You might be a redneck if… you've ever worn a tube-top to a funeral home.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Clothing People Rednecks

All other things being equal, the side with the simplest uniforms wins.

Appearance Clothing Military Murphy’s Laws

You know you're getting fat when you can pinch an inch on your forehead.

comedian
Appearance Body Fat

A homely face and no figure have aided many women heavenward.

(1861 – 1950) American writer
Appearance Body People Women

The best accessory a girl can have is her best friend.

(1981 – ) heiress, socialite, media personality & model
Appearance Friends Travel

He is so fat… when he gets his shoes shined he has to take the man's word for it.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

There has ceased to be a difference between my awake clothes and my asleep clothes.

(1979 – ) American actress, comedian & writer
Appearance Clothing