Subject: Appearance (Page 40)

When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight; when a man tries something from his closet that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Appearance Body Fat Men People Women

Dr. Frankenstein: You know, I’m a rather brilliant surgeon. Perhaps I can help you with that hump.

Igor: What hump?

(1934 – 1982) English writer, comedian & actor
Appearance TV/Movie Quotes

He is so fat… when he ran away, they had to use all four sides of the milk carton.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

You’re welcome to take a bath; you look like the second week of the garbage strike.

(1927 – 2018) playwright & screenwriter
Appearance

She’s like an apple turnover that got crushed in a grocery bag on a hot day.

(1947 – ) American author, teacher & social critic
Appearance Insults People

He has so many muscles he has to make an appointment to move his fingers.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Appearance Body People

If I see something sagging, bagging, and dragging, I’m going to nip, tuck it, and suck it.

(1946 – ) singer, songwriter, author & actress
Appearance Body

I think women who think size doesn't matter are shallow.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Appearance Body Characteristics

If your body is 90 per cent water why have you got to drink water all the time? Why can’t you just have some crisps?

(1975 – ) English comedian, actor & writer
Appearance Body

It's interesting to speculate how it developed that in two of the most anti-feminist institutions, the church and the law court, the men are wearing the dresses.

(1916 – 2000) American lawyer & activist
Appearance Clothing Law Religion Women

The baby is fine; the only problem is that he looks like Edward G. Robinson.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Appearance Insults Relationships Ugly

One out of every three Americans… weighs as much as the other two.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Body Fat

He’s so skinny, his pants had only one back pocket.

Appearance Body Expressions

She was so ugly that when I bent down to pet her cat it turned out to be the hair on her legs.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Body Hair Ugly

There's only one thing wrong with my wife's face – it shows.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Ugly

He is so fat… I had to take a train and two buses just to get on his good side.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

My girlfriend bought me a down jacket, she said it fit my personality.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comic
Appearance Characteristics Clothing

I really don’t think I need buns of steel; I’d be happy with buns of cinnamon.

(1958 – ) comedian, actress & television host
Appearance Body

She’s so big, it takes two men and a boy just to look at her.

Appearance Body Expressions Fat

I haven’t seen this many white people in tuxedos since the Titanic.

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer
Appearance Clothing TV/Movie Quotes

All these guys with six pack abs, and I'm the only one with a keg.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Appearance Body TV/Movie Quotes