Subject: Appearance (Page 6)

A lady is one who never shows her underwear… unintentionally.

(1893 – 1991) novelist, biographer & playwright
Appearance Characteristics Clothing

The meal is not over when I'm full – the meal is over when I hate myself.

Louis Szekely (1967 – ) American comedian, writer, actor & director
Appearance Body Eating Fat Food/Drink

I speak two languages, Body and English.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Body Communication Language

Armor: The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Clothing Communication Definitions Language

It's like I disprove evolution and intelligent design at once.

(1978 – ) American comic writer
Appearance Body People Science/Weather Self

She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Appearance Insults Marriage

An optimist is a girl who mistakes a bulge for a curve.

(1885 – 1933) columnist & writer
Appearance Body Fat

Newman: I’m a little offended, Jerry.

Jerry: You’re not a little anything, Newman.

(1954 – ) comedian & television actor
Appearance Body TV/Movie Quotes

The chief excitement in a woman's life is spotting women who are fatter than she is.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist
Appearance Body Fat People Women

She spends her day powdering her face till she looks like a bled pig.

(1864 –1945) Anglo-Scottish socialite, author & wit
Appearance Body Insults

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Body Food/Drink

Went to the beach today; I could feel the women just dressing me with their eyes.

television writer, producer & director
Appearance Body Situations

Making love to a woman is like buying real estate: location, location, location.

comedian, writer, actor & producer
Body Sex Women

You know you're getting old when you start to dress in more than six colors.

(1936 – 2014) American standup comedian, actor & author
Age Appearance Clothing Old

He is so ugly… when he throws a boomerang it won’t come back.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

As soon as the hospital made me put on one of those little gowns, I knew the end was in sight.


Appearance Body Clothing

Hot Pants: Breeches of promise.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

Jewelry takes people's minds off your wrinkles.

(1912 – 1969) Norwegian figure skater & actress
Age Appearance Old Things

He doesn't die his hair – he's just prematurely orange.

(1913 – 2006) 36th U.S. president
Appearance Hair Insults

She has a wash and wear bridal gown.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Appearance Clothing Marriage

I don't think I'm good in bed; my husband never said anything, but after we made love he'd take a piece of chalk and outline my body.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Body Sex Situations