Subject: Appearance (Page 9)

He's so fat his bathtub has stretch marks.

(1941 – ) American basketball executive
Appearance Body Fat Insults

I’d like to grow old with my face still moving.


Appearance Body

There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance Body Girls

I think they have to take this bunch down to the slaughterhouse to get weighed.

American football coach
Appearance Football Sports

Do you guys think it’s worse to wear a Fedora or kill 15 people?

(1978 – ) American stand-up comedian, actress & writer
Appearance Clothing

It’s better to be black than gay because when you’re black you don’t have to tell your mother.

comedian, composer & lyricist
Appearance Characteristics Mothers

[My husband] can't stand to see trash & garbage lying around the house… he can't stand the competition.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Appearance People Self

They don't make 'em too big for this business.

(1928 – ) American stripper, burlesque star & actress
Appearance Body Entertainment

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.

(1954 – ) comedian & television actor
Clothing Men People Women

Ugly as stump full of spiders.

Appearance Expressions Ugly

I have such poor vision I can date anybody.

(1949 – 2016) American comedian & television actor
Appearance Body Characteristics People

A clean tie attracts the soup of the day.

Clothing Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws

Not Open To People Be Sloppily Dressed

Appearance Clothing Translations

Is she fat? … Her favorite food is seconds.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance Body Eating Fat Food/Drink Insults

My belt holds my pants up, but the belt loops hold my belt up; so which one's the real hero?

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Appearance Clothing

A plastic surgeon increases your face value.

Appearance

Middle age is when your old classmates are so grey and wrinkled and bald they don't recognize you.

(1898 – 1971) American humorist
Age Appearance

You might be a redneck if… you've ever worn a dress that is strapless with a bra that isn't.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Appearance Clothing People Rednecks

You can put a coat and tie on a goat, and it’s still a goat.

Animals Appearance Proverbs

She was short on intellect, but long on shape.

(1672 – 1719) English essasyist, poet & politician
Appearance Body Intelligence

The last thing you want to do is shoot 80 wearing tartan trousers.

English professional golfer
Appearance Clothing Golf Sports