Subject: Emotions

I saw a pair of knickers today on the front it said, “I would do anything for love” and on the back it said “but I won't do that.”

(1975 – ) English comedian
Emotions Love Sex

Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid.

(1908 – 1980) businessman, humorist
Characteristics Fear

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Animals Dogs Emotions Love

The good news is that Jesus is coming back; the bad news is that he's really pissed off.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Anger Emotions

I diagnosed my loneliness as premature empty nest syndrome.

(1978 – ) American actress, writer & comedian
Emotions Self

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to someone else.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Emotions People

I read somewhere that men’s biggest fear is that women will laugh at them. And women’s biggest fear is that men will kill them… kind of different stakes that we’re working with.

(1978 – ) American stand-up comedian, actress & writer
Emotions Fear Men People Women

Money won’t buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem.

(1915 – 1977) columnist, writer & actor
Emotions Happiness Money

The head never rules the heart, but just becomes it's partner in crime.

(1913 – 1983) journalist & author
Emotions Intelligence

Fun is like life insurance; the older you get, the more it costs.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Age Emotions Money Old

Getting divorced just because you don't love a man is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.

(1917 – 2016) Hungarian-born American actress
Divorce Emotions Love Marriage

Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Death Emotions Happiness Laughter Life

A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of.

(1775 – 1817) English novelist
Emotions Happiness Money

I’d like to tell you some jokes now, but you’d only laugh.

(1908 – 2002) comedian, radio & television actor
Emotions Laughter

What may seem depressing or even tragic to one person may seem like an absolute scream to another person, especially if he has had between four and seven beers.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Beer Emotions Situations

As a child, I was more afraid of tetanus shots than, for example, Dracula.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Emotions Fear

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.

Emotions Fear Happiness

With Congress, every time they make a joke it’s a law, and every time they make a law it’s a joke.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Congress Emotions Government

I went to a therapy group to help me cope with loneliness, but no one else turned up.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Emotions

No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Age Emotions Failure Friends

A lot of people are afraid of heights, but not me… I'm afraid of widths.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Fear People