Subject: Food/Drink (Page 22)

The miser and the glutton are two facetious buzzards: one hides his store, and the other stores his hide.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Food/Drink Frugal Money

Three things are bad for you: I can't remember the first two, but doughnuts are the third.

football coach
Food/Drink Football Health Sports

How do you know when fish goes bad? … it smells like fish either way!

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Food/Drink

I don't wanna say we eat out a lot, but when I call my kids for dinner they run to the car!

American comedian
Cooking Food/Drink

Golfing excellence goes hand in hand with alcohol, as many an Open and Amateur champion has shown.

British golf writer & commentator
Alcohol Food/Drink Golf Sports

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Body Food/Drink

When it comes to eating, you can sometimes help yourself more by helping yourself less.

(1906 – 1989) American poet & author
Appearance Body Eating Fat Food/Drink

Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Education Food/Drink School

At my house we pray AFTER we eat.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Beliefs Eating Food/Drink

I told them sandwiches.

(1949 – ) American boxing champion
Boxing Entertainment Food/Drink Sports Television

'Twas a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Individuals Women

What the sober man thinks the drunkard tells.

Alcohol Food/Drink

Nowadays, an after-dinner mint is what you need to pay the restaurant check.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Food/Drink Money

In a family recipe that you discovered in an old book, the most vital measurement will be illegible.

Cooking Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws

Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won’t cure a cold.

(1932 – 2014) American singer
Alcohol Food/Drink Health

Friend: That drink is slow poison.

Benchley’s reply: So who’s in a hurry?

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist
Alcohol Food/Drink

Yeah, I know, some people are against drunk driving, and I call those people “the cops.”

(1965 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host
Alcohol Autos Driving Food/Drink Things

My wife can’t cook at all. She made chocolate mousse; an antler got stuck in my throat.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Cooking Food/Drink

A man's got to believe in something… and I believe I'll have another drink.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Beliefs Food/Drink Individuals

I thought I would have a quiet pint … and about 17 noisy ones.

British rugby player
Beer Food/Drink Sports

He is not drunk, who from the floor, can rise and stand and shout for more.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Alcohol Food/Drink