Subject: Food/Drink (Page 47)

I have taken more good from alcohol than alcohol has taken from me.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Alcohol Food/Drink

A good marriage is like a casserole, only those responsible for it really know what goes in it.

Food/Drink Marriage

I slept with this girl, in the morning I asked her if she wanted breakfast in bed… she said one pig in the blanket was enough.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comic
Food/Drink Situations

I think Foosball is a combination of soccer and shish kabobs.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Activities Food/Drink Games

The trouble with jogging is that the ice falls out of your glass.

(1943 – ) comedian & actor
Alcohol Things

I can give you the cause of anaphylactic shock in a nutshell.

(1973 – ) English writer & stand-up comedian
Food/Drink Health

How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue…and then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake?… where does the glue go?"

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Cooking Food/Drink Science/Weather

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Eating Food/Drink

How easy for those who do not bulge to not overindulge!

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Appearance Body Eating Food/Drink People

Using words to describe magic is like using a screwdriver to cut roast beef.

(1936 – ) novelist
Communication Food/Drink Language Things

They say some of my stars drink whiskey, but I have found that ones who drink milkshakes don't win many ball games.

(1890 – 1975) American baseball manager
Alcohol Baseball Food/Drink Sports

He’s so full of alcohol, if you put a lighted wick in his mouth he’d burn for three days.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Alcohol Food/Drink

What happened to the first 6 “ups?”

Communication Food/Drink Language

Diet: A system of starving yourself to death so you can live a little longer.

Definitions Food/Drink

There are three reasons for breastfeeding: the milk is always at the right temperature; it comes in attractive containers; and the cat can’t get it.

(1935 – ) London-born American author & food commentator
Family Food/Drink Mothers

You know a man is a redneck when he calls sardines and spam Hors d'uvres.

(1926 – 1998) American country comedian
Food/Drink People Rednecks

He is not drunk, who from the floor, can rise and stand and shout for more.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Alcohol Food/Drink

A lollipop is a cross between hard candy and garbage.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Food/Drink Things

The closest thing I have to a nutritionist is the Carlsberg Beer Company.

(1976 – ) Irish actor
Beer Eating Food/Drink Health

Vegetable: A substance used to ballast a child’s plate while it’s carried to and from the table.

Definitions Food/Drink

I’m in favor of liberalized immigration because of the effect it would have on restaurants; I’d let just about everybody in except the English.

(1935 – ) columnist, journalist & novelist
England Food/Drink Places