Subject: Health (Page 3)

Doctor: A guy who tells you if you don’t cut out something he’ll cut something out of you.

Definitions Doctors Health

Virus is a Latin word used by doctors to mean “your guess is as good as mine.”

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Doctors Health

I’d have to get better just to die.

Expressions Health

Beware of the physician who is great at getting out of trouble.

Doctors Health Murphy’s Laws

God heals and the doctor takes the fee.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Beliefs Doctors God Health Money

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.

(1872 – 1970) British philosopher, mathematician, historian & social critic
Health People Self Work

One of my baby teeth came out! I have to say, I’m not entirely comfortable holding a piece of my own head.

(1955 – ) cartoonist (Calvin and Hobbes)
Health

… one says to the other her mum had a cyst on on her aviary.

Health Malaprops

When I got to the hospice I was under the impression it would be a two- or three-week stay, but here I still am, six weeks later, and I've gotten so well Medicare won't pay for me anymore.

(1925 – 2007) humorist & columnist
Government Health Money

I don’t want to say the wait was long, but the guy in front of me was being treated for a musket wound.

(1962 – ) American stand-up comedian, writer, actor & radio host
Health Time

I have the woman-flu, which is like the manflu but worse because I also regularly have periods and I get paid less.

Danish comedian
Health Men People Women

My doctor told me I shouldn’t work out until I’m in better shape.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Activities Doctors Exercise Health

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Health Money Places

I go to a woman dentist… it a relief to be told to open my mouth instead of shut it.

(1928 – 2003) English entertainer
Health

Please excuse Betty from school Tuesday, she had a cold and could not breed well.

Health Malaprops

Minor surgery is surgery that someone else is having.

U.S. Senator (1942 – 2015) U.S. senator (Tennessee) & actor
Health

I like to call therapy “baggage claim.”

(1982 – ) American comedian & actress
Health

Somebody once said that laughter is the best medicine, and that was clearly written by a man that never tried Vicodin.

(1959 – ) American comedian, comedy writer, actor & author
Activities Drugs Emotions Health Laughter

Penicillin: What to give a man who has everything.

Definitions Health Wordplay

I have an inferiority complex, it’s just not a very good one.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Health

Do you know why they call it 'PMS'? … because 'Mad Cow Disease' was already taken.

Health