Subject: Health (Page 3)

I have been laid up with intentional flu.

(1879 – 1974) film producer
Health Misspokements

I realized I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party dressed as a goat.

Communication Health Language Reading/Writing

You don't get ulcers from what you eat; you get them from what's eating you.

(1888 – 1960) Austrian writer
Eating Food/Drink Health Problems

When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look… twins!"

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Doctors

The rate of hospital admissions responds to bed availability; if we insist on installing more beds, they will tend to get filled.

Health Murphy’s Laws

I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Food/Drink Health

I told my dentist I want a tooth to match the others; he gave me one with four cavities.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Body Health

Psychiatrist: A head coach.

Definitions Doctors Health

Keep paying the electricity bill.

Health

There definitely needs to be water on the sidelines for these players, but I also had some Gatorade just in case they were allergic to the water or vice versa.

(1936 – ) American football coach & television announcer
Alcohol Health Misspokements Sports

When I got to the hospice I was under the impression it would be a two- or three-week stay, but here I still am, six weeks later, and I've gotten so well Medicare won't pay for me anymore.

(1925 – 2007) humorist & columnist
Government Health Money

Dyselxics Have More Nuf.

Communication Health Language

“Herbal medicine’s been around for thousands of years!” … and then we tested it all, and the stuff that worked became ‘medicine’… and the rest of it is just a nice bowl of soup and some potpourri.

(1972 – ) Irish comedian & television presenter
Health

Probably the best thing that happened to me was going nuts. Nobody knew who I was until that happened.

(1929 – ) American baseball player who had a well-publicized bipolar disorder
Baseball Health Sports

She got her good looks from her father, he’s a plastic surgeon.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Appearance Doctors Family Fathers Health

I went to the doctor and he said, ‘You've got hypochondria.' ‘I said, ‘Not that as well.’

(1967 – ) English actor, writer & comedian
Health

Please excuse Betty from school Tuesday, she had a cold and could not breed well.

Health Malaprops

Sometimes I think I tore all the ligaments in my head.

cartoon character, Peanuts (Charles Schulz, 1922 – 2000) creator & cartoonist
Health

Minor surgery is surgery that someone else is having.

U.S. Senator (1942 – 2015) U.S. senator (Tennessee) & actor
Health

You don’t get ulcers from what you eat; you get them from what’s eating you.

(1888 – 1960) Austrian writer
Health

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Health Money Places