Subject: Intelligence (Page 13)

When your IQ rises to 28, sell.

(1914 – ) American comic & actor
Insults Intelligence

I started wearing glasses, and people started saying I looked smart and I'm like, huh?… I didn't go to Harvard; I went to Lens Crafters.

comedian
Education Intelligence

It's innocence when it charms us, ignorance when it doesn't.

(1913 – 1983) journalist & author
Communication Emotions Happiness Intelligence Stupidity

Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not have possibly met.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Intelligence People Thinking Time

Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Eating Food/Drink Intelligence

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

(1948 – ) English novelist
Intelligence People Things

They don't get the philosophy jokes in Alabama; they think Descartes is the thing you put before de-horse.

comedian
Intelligence Places

He couldn’t grow pole beans in a pile of horse shit.

Expressions Fools Intelligence Stupidity

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
America Intelligence Language Military Places

She is so stupid… she stared at an orange juice carton for twenty minutes because the label said "concentrate."

Exaggerations Intelligence Stupidity

Idiot: A member of a large and powerful tribe whose influence in human affairs has always been dominant and controlling. 

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Intelligence

Ideas pull the trigger, but instinct loads the gun.

(1878 – 1937) humorist, journalist & author
Arms Ideas Intelligence

My fairy Godmother once asked me if I’d rather have a long penis or a long memory… I forget what my answer was.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Intelligence Memory

On the TV screen, pure drivel tends to drive off ordinary drivel.

Communication Intelligence Murphy’s Laws Speech Television

Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything one learned in school.

(1879 – 1955) German-born physicist
Education Learning Memory School

Never ascribe to malice that which can adequately be explained by incompetence.

(1769 – 1821) French general & politician
Intelligence Stupidity

Intelligent people make many mistakes because they cannot believe the world is really as foolish as it is.

(1741 – 1794) French writer
Fools Intelligence

Experience teaches you that the man who looks you straight in the eye, particularly if he adds a firm handshake, is hiding something.

(1904 – 1999) author, editor, radio host
Intelligence Wisdom

She has breasts of granite and a mind like a Gruyere cheese.

(1906 – 2002) Austrian journalist, filmmaker, screenwriter & producer
Appearance Body Insults Mind

Always assume that your assumption is invalid.

Intelligence Murphy’s Laws Thinking

We know that the nature of genius is to provide idiots with ideas twenty years later.

(1897 – 1982) French writer
Fools Intelligence Time Wisdom