Subject: Marriage (Page 30)

One time I went to a hotel; I asked the bellhop to handle my bag; he felt up my wife!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Marriage Wives

Alimony is a system by which, when two people make a mistake, one of them continues to pay for it.

(1893 – 1957) American actress & celebrity
Marriage Mistakes Money

When my wife gets a little upset, sometimes a simple “Calm down” in a soothing voice is all it takes to get her a lot upset.

Marriage Wives

My parents got divorced after 40 years… that's the longest game of chicken ever.

American comedian
Divorce Marriage

Marriage is a romance in which the heroine dies in the first chapter.

(1954 – ) Australian author
Marriage

Marriage: A friendship recognized by the police.

(1850 – 1894) Scottish novelist, poet, essayist & travel writer
Definitions Marriage

The trouble with most marriages is after she says ‘I do’, she won’t.

Marriage

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Happiness Marriage

Honeymoon: The vacation a man takes before starting to work for a new boss.

Definitions Marriage

Georgie got engaged the way other people got haircuts; it was just something he did every few months whether he needed to or not.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Marriage

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who cannot sleep with window shut, and a woman who cannot sleep with the window open.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Activities Husbands Marriage Relationships Sleep Things Wives

If you hate gay marriage, then don't marry a gay person.

(1977 – ) Australian comedian
Marriage People

A good marriage is like a casserole, only those responsible for it really know what goes in it.

Food/Drink Marriage

The most dangerous food is wedding cake.

Marriage Proverbs

Middle-age is the time of life, that a man first notices – in his wife.

(1906 – 1989) American poet & author
Age Marriage Wives

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other never forgets them.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Intelligence Marriage Memory

I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it’s around the woman’s neck.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Marriage

Catholics don't get divorced; they stay together through anger and hatred and festering misery, just like God intended.

(1953 – ) American comedian & actor
Divorce Marriage Religion

Whenever a husband and wife begin to discuss their marriage they are giving evidence at a coroner's inquest.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Communication Conversation Husbands Marriage Wives

I asked him "Who said you could fool around with my wife" he said everybody.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Marriage Sex Situations Wives

No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying.

Communication Marriage Speech Wives