Subject: People (Page 101)

I want to be so famous that drag queens will dress like me in parades when I'm dead.

(1969 – ) American actress, comedian, producer & writer
Self Success

Most Texans think Hanukkah is some sort of duck call.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
People Situations

God shows his contempt for wealth by the kind of person he selects to receive it.

(1858 – 1932) American physicist, physician & humorist
Money People Wealth

Love your enemies; it makes them so damned mad.

(1909 – 1986) American screenwriter, children's author & illustrator
People

One night I was playing poker with tarot cards; I got a full house and four people died.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Activities Games People

Far-away talent always seems better than home-developed talent.


Murphy’s Laws People

Let’s face it, sports writers, we’re not hanging around with brain surgeons.

(1909 – 1973) American sports journalist
Intelligence People Sports

It was a mixed marriage… I’m human, and he was a Klingon.

comedian, writer, actor & producer
Marriage People

There is always one more son of a bitch than you counted on.

Murphy’s Laws People Situations

Yeah, I'm kind of lazy… I'm dating a pregnant woman.


Dating People Relationships

A man's face is his autobiography; a womans face is her work of fiction.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Men People Women

I like my coffee like I like my women… in a plastic cup.

(1962 – ) English stand-up comedian & actor
People Women

You might be a redneck if… you need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Appearance Body People Rednecks

You might be a redneck if… you just bought an 8-track player to put in your truck.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Rednecks Situations Things

If Howard Cosell were a sport, he'd be roller derby.

(1909 – 1973) American sports journalist
People

Wedding: A ceremony at which two persons undertake to become one, one undertakes to become nothing, and nothing undertakes to become supportable.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Marriage People

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
God Men People Things

Son, when a woman says nothing's wrong, it means everything's wrong; when a woman says everything's wrong, it means everything's wrong; and when a woman says that something isn't funny, you'd better not laugh your ass off!

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
People TV/Movie Quotes Women

Old people love to give good advice; it compensates them for their inability to set a bad example.

(1613 – 1680) French writer
Age Intelligence Old People

Acquaintance: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Individuals Language Money

The perfect lover is one who turns into a pizza at 4:00 a.m.

(1926 – 1999) actor, comedian & female impersonator
Food/Drink People